


Starsignstuck

by rezi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Patron Trolls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-14 01:59:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rezi/pseuds/rezi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the Beta Kids' patron trolls were actually the ones with their starsign?<br/>Alternative title: In Which John's Patron Troll Is Aradia And Literally Everyone Else Gets Equius, Shenanigans Ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

AA: what are y0u d0ing  
AA: y0u sh0uldnt be d0ing this  
AA: st0p it  
EB: i'm just following gc's advice.  
EB: she said this would get me to my seventh gate, where i could kill the denizen before it even woke up!  
EB: that is what this is doing, right?  
AA: n0  
AA: n0 n0 n0 n0 n0  
AA: she is meddling in things she d0esnt understand  
AA: regardless 0f h0w clever she thinks she is she d0es n0t realize what this will d0  
AA: y0u cann0t defeat a denizen by trickery  
AA: y0u defeat it 0n its 0wn terms 0r n0t at all  
AA: g0ing thr0ugh with this f00lish acti0n will 0nly get y0u all killed  
AA: earlier than y0u are meant t0 be  
AA: turn back  
EB: how do i know who's telling the truth here?  
EB: you can't stop me blasting off!  
EB: pch000000000000000000000!  
AA: N0  
AA: N0 N0 N0 N0 N0  
AA: D0NT D0 IT Y0U IDI0T  
EB: haha, i was only joking with you.  
EB: but really, i don't know who to believe here.  
AA: d0nt g0 thr0ugh that gate 0r i swear i will ruin y0u  
AA: if the denizen d0esnt d0 that first  
EB: how?  
AA: d0 n0t underestimate my p0wers  
AA: i have strength bey0nd y0ur c0mprehensi0n  
AA: i c0uld bl0w up y0ur c0mputer right n0w if i wanted t0  
EB: really?  
EB: argh! it just crackled!  
AA: that was me  
AA: n0w stay away fr0m that gate and d0nt y0u ever put y0ur trust in terezi again  
AA: she is manipulative and always has her 0wn agenda  
AA: th0ugh she may seem t0 be 0n the side 0f g00d she is inscrutable as ever  
AA: stay away fr0m her  
AA: and f0r that matter  
AA: every0ne else  
AA: m0st 0f us are 0ut 0f 0ur depth here  
AA: i kn0w h0w t0 handle this situati0n best  
EB: right. got it.  
EB: thanks...  
EB: what's your name?  
AA: aradia megid0  
EB: aradia. got it.  
EB: what do i do now, aradia?  
AA: anything  
AA: i d0nt care  
AA: y0ure b0und t0 fail anyway  
AA: just d0nt fail t00 badly  
AA: th0ugh it d0esnt matter what y0u d0 i think y0u w0uld n0t like t0 let the und0ing c0me t0 y0u and n0t resist  
AA: i w0uld n0t 0bject t0 the end 0f all things but i have been t0ld i am different t0 m0st pe0ple  
AA: and d0nt let any0ne else mess with y0u

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  tentacleTherapist [TT]

CT: D --> I have been instructed to troll some of you humans  
CT: D --> And as you appear to be of the highest b100d I am starting with you  
TT: Highest blood?  
TT: I'm not familiar with this concept. Please, go on.  
CT: D --> As much as I would willingly obey  
CT: D --> I am not sure why you would need me to e100cidate  
CT: D --> Surely your e%uisite purple te%t refle% your richness of b100d  
CT: D --> And therefore your high standing on the hemospectrum  
CT: D --> Or whatever the equivalent may be for you humans  
TT: I'm not 100% sure what you're referring to actually applies to us humans at all.  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> But  
CT: D --> We created your universe  
CT: D --> Surely there must be something analogous to our noble class system for your race  
TT: You created our universe?  
TT: Interesting.  
TT: As for the human class system: there is something similar to what you're describing, but none of us bother with class.  
TT: I'm seeing deep-seated racism, coupled with an inflexibility that refuses to entertain the possibility of ideologies that aren't your own.  
TT: Keeping that in mind, here's an idea for you.  
TT: Why don't you treat us all as equals?  
CT: D --> That simply is not possible  
CT: D --> There must be a way to determine your worth  
TT: And thus my point is proven.  
TT: Another idea.  
TT: Try talking to us all, then base your judgement on that rather than on some arbitrary system.  
CT: D --> I think  
CT: D --> This may be what I am forced to do  
CT: D --> If you ordered me, I may have no option but to comply  
TT: Consider it a command.  
CT: D --> Thank you, my lady  
CT: D --> I shall do e%actly as you wish  
TT: Why thank you, Mr...  
TT: At least, I'm assuming Mr.  
TT: I'll issue another command, then.  
TT: Tell me your name.  
CT: D --> I must reply  
CT: D --> That my name is Equius Zahhak  
CT: D --> And also that you are right to assume my masc001inity  
TT: Well, Mr. Zahhak, till the next time.  
TT: I have a game to break.  
CT: D --> A game to break  
CT: D --> What do you mean by this  
TT: You and your co-players insist on informing us that we are destined to fail.  
TT: I intend to go down fighting.  
TT: I shall not go gentle into that good night,  
TT: But instead rage, rage against the dying of the light.  
CT: D --> Do you often succumb to these sorts of destructive  
CT: D --> Urges  
TT: Goodbye.  
CT: D --> Wait

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]

CT: D --> Fiddlesti%

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]

CT: D --> Hello  
GG: aargh what do you want????  
CT: D --> I have been commanded to participate in e%changes with you humans  
CT: D --> As there is no better system to judge you by  
CT: D --> I am being forced to judge you myself  
GG: who told you to do this?  
GG: was it cg??  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Though he did issue the command to commence communications with your kind  
CT: D --> And I had no option to obey, filthy though this may have been  
CT: D --> It was TT who recommended I judge you in this manner  
GG: rose???????  
GG: okay  
GG: well i guess her actions may seem odd sometimes but she always knows what shes doing!  
GG: and if she thinks this is a good idea then i will go along with it!  
GG: my name is jade harley  
GG: who are you? :)  
CT: D --> My name is Equius Zahhak  
CT: D --> Pleased to make your acquaintance, Jade Harley  
GG: thats a pretty cool name!  
CT: D --> I am glad you think so  
CT: D --> What are you doing now  
CT: D --> It does not appear to be very much  
GG: im waiting for dave to get me in the game!  
GG: have you talked to him yet?  
GG: hes really cool!  
CT: D --> I think  
CT: D --> That I shall reserve judgement until I have seen for myself  
CT: D --> But thank you  
CT: D --> I have found this conversation to be agreeable  
CT: D --> You remind me of somebody I know  
GG: who???  
CT: D --> Forget it  
CT: D --> I shall speak to you again, Jade human  
CT: D --> Farewell  
GG: bye!!! :D

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

CT: D --> Am I right in assuming the color in which you type is udderly unrelated to your b100d color  
TG: no  
TG: my bloods red bro  
TG: also udderly  
TG: wtf  
CT: D --> Gosh dangit  
CT: D --> I let a hoofbeast pun slip, I apologise  
TG: haha what  
CT: D --> We must never speak of this again  
CT: D --> Is that clear  
TG: yeah i guess  
TG: what do you want then  
CT: D --> I would like to make your acquaintance  
CT: D --> Our leader insists that we troll you all, though I find his antagonistic intent to be rather f001ish  
CT: D --> Hence I am trolling in the less barbaric sense of the word  
CT: D --> Simply engaging in conversation  
TG: dont think you get what trolling means but ok  
TG: whos this leader dude  
TG: is it that gray text asshole  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> And though I take e%eption to the 100d way of e%pressing your dislike for him, I can agree with the sentiment  
CT: D --> He has no right to be commanding us when he is of such low stature  
TG: are you saying hes short  
TG: and he cant lead you because hes not tall enough  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> That would be ludi%  
TG: ludipercent  
TG: what  
CT: D --> Ludicross  
TG: oh  
CT: D --> I do not di%criminate based on meaningless physical features  
CT: D --> I was instead referring to his societal standing  
CT: D --> He refuses to reveal his b100d color, which leads most to assume it is very low  
CT: D --> Giving him no right to have power over b100b100ds such as myself  
CT: D --> The very thought of it is  
CT: D --> Depraved  
TG: oh so youre not a heightist asshole  
TG: youre just a bloodist asshole instead  
TG: makes you loads better thanks  
TG: i thought you said you didnt discriminate on physical things  
CT: D --> Meaningless physical features  
CT: D --> B100d is far from meaningless  
CT: D --> In our culture, though strangely not yours, it dictates what our role in society must be  
CT: D --> For a lowb100d to have power over those above him is  
CT: D --> Filthy  
TG: ok thanks for that really useful speech  
TG: can you stop talking to me now  
CT: D --> I think I have heard enough of you to make a fair judgement  
CT: D --> Yes, I shall leave  
TG: cool  
TG: i think ive heard enough of you for a lifetime  
TG: bye bye bigot

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT] \--

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

CT: D --> Hello, fellow b100b100d  
EB: b hundred b hundred d... what?  
EB: is that... blooblood...?  
EB: blueblood?  
EB: i have no idea what you're talking about. sorry.  
CT: D --> Surely your b100d is b100  
CT: D --> As it corresponds to the color in which you type  
EB: what? no!  
EB: human blood is red.  
EB: so dave's does, but mine doesn't.  
EB: is that how you trolls work then?  
CT: D --> Yes  
EB: wow, trolls are really weird.  
CT: D --> I object to that remark  
CT: D --> From my perspective, humans are even more pec001iar  
EB: okay, i guess you have a point there.  
EB: what are you trolling me for then?  
EB: because if you're trying to meddle with things, i'll probably have to block you.  
EB: the last troll's shenanigans almost got me killed.  
EB: one of you told me that i shouldn't listen to you any more.  
EB: she was a bit weird, but i think she had a point.  
EB: sorry!  
CT: D --> Who told you that  
CT: D --> I must reprimand her at once  
EB: she said she was called aradia.  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Really  
CT: D --> I will talk to her  
CT: D --> Goodbye

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

CT: D --> Did you tell the John human not to listen to us any more  
AA: yes  
AA: with g00d reas0n  
AA: theyre b0und t0 die already  
AA: there is n0 p0int b0thering with them  
AA: itll 0nly make things w0rse  
CT: D --> What could we do to make things worse  
CT: D --> They will lose anyway  
CT: D --> Talking to them could be useful to defeat the demon they released  
AA: i d0nt think there is much t0 learn fr0m them but 0k  
AA: y0u can d0 as y0u wish  
AA: but i will take full charge 0f j0hn  
CT: D --> No, I command you to let me speak with him  
AA: n0  
CT: D --> Yes  
AA: n0  
CT: D --> Yes  
AA: n0  
CT: D --> Yes  
AA: n0  
CT: D --> Yes  
AA: y0u kn0w the strength 0f my r0b0 arms  
AA: y0u made them f0r me  
CT: D --> Yes, you are even more STRONG than I am  
CT: D --> Only the best for you  
AA: i c0uld beat y0u until y0u screamed f0r mercy  
AA: i repeat  
AA: i will take full charge 0f j0hn  
AA: i d0 N0T need y0u blundering in and ruining things even m0re f0r him  
AA: stay away fr0m him  
AA: that is an 0rder  
CT: D --> Hrrk  
CT: D --> In that case, I must obey  
AA: g00d  
CT: D --> And  
CT: D --> Can you get me a towel  
CT: D --> I have not heard you e%press yourself so violently in so long  
CT: D --> It is  
CT: D --> Strangely titillating  
AA: get y0ur 0wn

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  centaursTesticle [CT]

CT: D --> Oh my


	2. Chapter 2

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

AA: h0w is y0ur quest faring  
EB: oh, hi aradia!  
EB: not too badly, i guess.  
EB: i was just about to meet up with my dad again, but then i woke up...  
EB: and had to tell some troll to step off as well.  
AA: which 0ne  
EB: i don't know her name.  
EB: but she really seemed to like the number eight.  
EB: she literally typed my name in 64 bit, can you believe?  
EB: but yeah, do you know who i'm talking about?  
AA: YES  
AA: Y0U ARE F0RBIDDEN FR0M SPEAKING T0 HER  
AA: m0st 0f us d0nt kn0w what were d0ing here  
AA: she d0es  
AA: and that 0nly makes her m0re danger0us  
AA: she will kill y0u if she continues with her bugging and fussing and meddling  
AA: just like she killed me  
EB: what.  
EB: i don't understand.  
AA: what is there t0 n0t understand  
AA: she killed me  
AA: she paralysed 0ne 0f her friends  
AA: blinded an0ther  
AA: and f0rced the b0y i l0ved t0 murder me  
EB: are you in the afterlife?  
AA: n0  
EB: then you're an alien ghost or something?  
AA: kind 0f  
AA: als0 a fr0g and a r0b0t  
EB: wow.  
EB: an alien frog robot ghost, huh?  
EB: that's really weird.  
EB: like some sort of weird combination of things from all sorts of movies.  
EB: you've got the sci-fi stuff, like the alien robot bit.  
EB: but then you're also a frog, which kinda sounds like something out of a fable or fantasy thing?  
EB: haha, if a princess kisses you, do you turn into a prince?  
AA: we have a princess here  
AA: i am N0T kissing her  
AA: we als0 have a prince  
AA: i d0 n0t want t0 turn int0 him  
EB: right, got it.  
EB: then there's the whole ghost thing.  
EB: that's like... religion i guess?  
EB: supernatural stuff.  
EB: unless it's in ghostbusters!  
EB: that makes ghosts all sciency and cool.  
EB: and also maybe contact, because of jodie foster's ghost dad...  
AA: j0hn  
EB: yes?  
AA: i d0nt care  
EB: oh.  
EB: okay.  
AA: y0u have a friend t0 save  
AA: remember jade  
EB: oh god, i forgot!  
EB: poor jade... :(  
EB: i hope she is alright.  
AA: shes fine  
AA: f0r n0w  
AA: y0u will need t0 0btain the server c0py 0f the game in 0rder t0 help her  
EB: how?  
AA: wait  
AA: it will c0me t0 y0u in time  
AA: parad0x space has its ways 0f ensuring destiny plays 0ut as it sh0uld  
EB: wow, deep.  
EB: you seem to understand a lot more about this stuff than everyone else i've talked to.  
EB: can you explain some stuff for me, while i wait?  
EB: i'm a little confused.  
EB: and by a little...  
EB: well, the world's ended and i've ended up actually being in a video game, with my dead nanna as a sort of clown ghost.  
EB: so yeah, really confused.  
AA: i will tell y0u 0ne thing  
AA: s0 that y0u will understand the true scale 0f this game  
AA: we created y0ur universe by playing the game  
AA: y0ur duty  
AA: had y0u n0t failed  
AA: w0uld be t0 create an0ther

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

EB: whoa.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  tentacleTherapist [TT]

CT: D --> What are you doing  
TT: What does it look like?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> For want of a better word  
CT: D --> Hoofbeastdroppings  
CT: D --> I simply cannot take this much hoofbeastdropping  
TT: You mean horseshit?  
TT: You could say that.  
CT: D --> I could, but I am not going to  
CT: D --> Such e%ecrable language is reserved for those of common b100d  
TT: Again with the racism.  
TT: I think,  
TT: For want of a better phrase,  
TT: That that's a load of shit.  
CT: D --> Language  
TT: What?  
TT: You take "e%eption" to my phrasing?  
TT: In that case, may I inform you that you are a fucking bastard.  
CT: D --> Hrrk  
TT: Acknowledge this.  
TT: Type the phrase back to me.  
CT: D --> I cannot po100t my vocabulary  
TT: I command you.  
CT: D --> No  
TT: Yes.  
CT: D --> No  
TT: Yes  
CT: D --> No  
TT: It was a command, Mr. Zahhak.  
CT: D --> In which case  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Am  
CT: D --> A fucking bastard  
CT: D --> Who is in desperate need of a towel  
TT: There. That wasn't hard, was it?  
CT: D --> I guess  
CT: D --> It wasn't  
TT: This proves two things.  
TT: One: swearing really isn't as bad as you think it is. Expletives are just words like any others.  
TT: Two: you are prepared to compromise your moral code at the drop of a hat, if you have been ordered to.  
TT: Very noble of you.  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> As much as it pains me to admit it  
CT: D --> You are probably right  
CT: D --> But I feel compelled to follow orders  
CT: D --> And addi%ion is a powerful thing  
TT: So am I.  


CT: D --> Was that  
CT: D --> Was that your first gate  
TT: It was, yes.  
TT: Now it's nothing but wisps of smoke.  
TT: Quite poetic, don't you think?  
CT: D --> I think  
CT: D --> That I really do need a towel  
CT: D --> Really quite urgently  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Oh my god  
CT: D --> Where the fuck are all my fresh towels  
TT: What was that?  
CT: D --> Fudge  
CT: D --> I meant fudge  
TT: No you didn't.  
CT: D --> It won't happen again  
CT: D --> Goodbye

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  tentacleTherapist [TT]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: i thought we agreed itd be cool if you never spoke to me again ever  
CT: D --> I would happily do so  
CT: D --> E%ept your current activities seem quite purrple%ing  
TG: purrplexing  
TG: what is it with you and your stupid animal puns  
CT: D --> Fuck  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> Fudgesicles  
CT: D --> Nepeta's puns seem to be rubbing off on me  
TG: whos nepeta  
TG: oh wait  
TG: cat pun girl  
TG: yeah i rped with her a couple times  
TG: as my killer fursona  
TG: akwete purrmusk  
TG: hardest buttock in the jungle  
TG: tempered steel  
CT: D --> You have been conversing with Nepeta  
TG: yeah  
CT: D --> I will not have this  
CT: D --> You will cease conversation with my moirail immediately  
CT: D --> She will not fraternize with your kind  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: try and stop me bro  
CT: D --> You will stop  
TG: is that all youre gonna do  
CT: D --> If you do not cease this at once  
CT: D --> I will never speak with you again  
TG: awesome  
TG: see ya  
TG: or not  
TG: douche  
CT: D --> Wait  
CT: D --> Fiddlesti%, what can I do  
TG: how about you let her do what she wants  
TG: she was enjoying it  
TG: so why should she stop  
TG: i can show you if you want  
TG: ill copy paste some of it  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I do not particularly want an insight to your juvenile games  
TG: why are you so worked up about it anyway  
TG: its not a big deal  
CT: D --> We've been sidetracked here  
CT: D --> What are you doing  
TG: what does it look like

CT: D --> I haven't the faintest idea  
TG: im making a goddamn killing in the lohacse thats what  
CT: D --> Are those Pyrope's glasses  
CT: D --> Have you been communicating with her as well  
TG: oh yeah terezi  
TG: yeah shes cool  
CT: D --> C001 in demeanor, but I doubt she is telling you everything  
CT: D --> She, like Nepeta, also used to engage in roleplaying  
CT: D --> Not the frivolous kind, but one severely more e%treme  
CT: D --> She sent many people to their deaths through trickery and manipulation  
CT: D --> And was blinded in vengeance as a direct consequence of the games  
CT: D --> I stopped Nepeta from taking part in this  
CT: D --> And I was right to do so, else she may have ended up injured or worse  
CT: D --> Why are you not responding  
TG: fuck  
TG: i did not know this  
TG: so this is all true  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> I'm sure she will corroborate this if asked  
TG: oh my fucking god  
TG: i have just been flirting with a serial killer  
CT: D --> What have you been doing with her  
CT: D --> Apart from engaging in flirtation of course  
TG: shes just making me make all this money  
TG: idk why  
TG: says its v1t4l for our pl4ns or some shit  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> I don't know what these plans are  
CT: D --> But knowing her you have probably been manipulated  
TG: fuck  
TG: ill ask  
TG: brb

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]

TG: ok  
TG: the serial killer stuff is true  
TG: and fucking terrifying  
TG: you havent killed anyone right  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> My moirail is usually able to stop me  
TG: right  
TG: well anyway i gotta carry on  
TG: we gotta do this to complete a time loop  
TG: or well end up in a doomed timeline  
TG: but after that  
TG: i think im probably gonna avoid her  
TG: i dunno  
TG: she seems pretty cool and all  
TG: but theres something about learning someone is a mass murderer that puts you right off them  
TG: weird that  
TG: she kept trying to justify it though  
TG: just shows how really fucking different humans and trolls are  
CT: D --> I have noticed this  
TG: yeah  
TG: and thanks dude  
TG: you warned me about terz bro  
TG: you told me dog  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> For what I assume is a compliment  
CT: D --> I cannot quite tell  
TG: youre still an asshole though  
TG: but yeah  
TG: bye

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]

CT: D --> You 100k upset  
GG: thats because i am!!!!!  
GG: i just had the most awful dream  
GG: and i am never going to sleep again  
GG: ever!!!  
GG: even though im still really tired  
GG: i am not going through that again  
GG: and the LAST thing i need is trolls bugging me!!!!!!  
GG: so go away!  
GG: ugh D:  
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> May I inquire as to what e%actly this dream was  
GG: it was horrible :C  
GG: first i was with all the squiddles and it was really happy  
GG: but then it changed  
GG: all these monsters appeared  
GG: and i was just floating in space surrounded by these huge horrible space squid things  
CT: D --> It seems you have encountered the Gods of the Furthest Ring  
GG: i dont care what they are  
GG: i just want to never see them again  
CT: D --> Staying 100cid may not be a good idea  
CT: D --> I was a Derse dreamer  
CT: D --> I was e%posed to them every time I slept  
CT: D --> As a Void player, I had a natural affinity with the creatures of the void  
CT: D --> They are better than they seem  
CT: D --> And your situation is better than it 100ks  
GG: why are you trying to help me???  
GG: all the other trolls are just so mean to me  
GG: i dont get it  
CT: D --> You  
CT: D --> Remind me of someone  
CT: D --> Whom I feel obliged to help  
GG: so im just some sort of replacement for whoever that is?????  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> I still talk with her as before  
CT: D --> But you share her qualities  
CT: D --> Qualities which I admire  
CT: D --> And occasionally wish I had  
GG: okay  
GG: well thank you equius  
GG: but id just like to be alone right now  
GG: to get over that horrible dream :C  
CT: D --> Okay  
CT: D --> Goodbye  
GG: bye  
GG: <3

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 612!  
> (No Jade this chapter... I'm attempting to keep things at least vaguely chronological, so John'll have to connect to her first. But we get extra John & Aradia here and there'll be lots of Jade next chapter, so yay!)

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  apocalypseArisen [AA]

EB: jade is not answering!  
EB: are you sure she's ok?  
AA: shes asleep  
AA: i think that has s0mething t0 d0 with the 0ther girl wh0 just tr0lled y0u  
EB: arachnids grip?  
EB: what could she do?  
AA: she has p0wers 0f her 0wn  
AA: and th0ugh we may be in different sessi0ns  
AA: the simple matter 0f inducing sleep may n0t be bey0nd her capability  
AA: be wary 0f her  
EB: haha, is she like a narcomancer or something?  
EB: i mean like a necromancer, except with sleep...  
AA: all y0u need t0 kn0w is that shes danger0us  
AA: i suspect she was resp0nsible f0r waking y0u up  
EB: really? that sucks.  
EB: i was just about to see my dad, and also some pink scarf lady.  
AA: y0ur dad  
EB: yeah...  
AA: what is that  
EB: you know, the guy who looks after me?  
EB: he wears a hat and is basically everything a dad should be.  
EB: except...  
EB: i don't think he actually is my dad?  
EB: because of all the stuff i did with babies and slime.  
EB: so actually, my dad would be jade's grandpa i guess?  
EB: which makes the guy i thought was my dad...  
EB: my half-brother???  
AA: j0hn  
EB: yes?  
AA: y0u are wasting time  
EB: oh. yeah.  
EB: i don't think arachnids grip was responsible for jade falling asleep, though.  
EB: she's narcoleptic, that's just a thing she does.  
EB: sometimes in the middle of a conversation...  
AA: is it s0 hard t0 imagine that she may be the cause 0f jades narc0lepsy  
EB: huh?  
AA: everything is interlinked in parad0x space  
AA: her narc0lepsy causes 0ur plight  
AA: which gives vriska the 0pp0rtunity t0 cause her narc0lepsy  
AA: every end is its 0wn means  
AA: and s0 the m0bius strip c0ntinues  
EB: yeah, this game is weird. all sorts of...  
EB: wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey...  
EB: stuff.  
AA: i am the time player  
AA: timey wimey stuff c0mes naturally t0 me  
AA: 0ne c0uld even say i am made 0f time  
EB: wow, cool!  
EB: what's it like being the time player?  
EB: how do you even travel in time?  
EB: dave does too, and i don't understand how.  
EB: do you have a phone booth or something? they are popular for time travel, for some reason.  
EB: or maybe you've got a really cool car that you've got to drive at 88mph, to activate the flux capacitor.  
AA: music b0xes  
EB: really?  
EB: okay, i guess that works too.  
EB: that could be pretty cool.  
EB: robot alien ghost frog troll time warping around everywhere with music boxes!  
EB: in cinemas on april 13.  
AA: this is n0t relevant  
AA: i d0 n0t care ab0ut y0ur human earth cinemas  
AA: y0ur friends life is in danger  
AA: y0u have the game n0w  
EB: yeah.  
AA: then g0  
AA: save y0ur friend  
AA: i will direct y0u t0 a return n0de s0 y0u can make it back t0 y0ur hive m0re swiftly  
AA: then y0u must play the game and rescue her  
AA: th0ugh my viewp0rt sh0ws y0u wasting yet m0re time bef0re this happens  
AA: i find this f00lish but as it is predestinati0n i supp0se i cann0t st0p y0u  
EB: wibbly-wobbly...  
AA: timey wimey  
AA: i kn0w  
AA: n0w fly  
AA: i shall lead y0u there

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  tentacleTherapist [TT]

CT: D --> Must you insist on using such destructive tactics to i100minate the workings of this game  
TT: Well, why not? It's faster.  
TT: Do you have anything against it?  
CT: D --> I feel duty-bound to warn you  
CT: D --> Addi%ion is a powerful thing  
CT: D --> You may find yourself unable to stop  
CT: D --> And end up causing the destru%ion of something important  
TT: That has yet to happen.  
TT: Random though my ravaging may seem, I am being methodical in my search.  
CT: D --> May I mention  
CT: D --> That another of us is worried about you  
CT: D --> She reports that your viewport blacks out at a certain point in the future  
CT: D --> Yet the others' remain visible  
CT: D --> Though it does not do so on my particular computer, which I think may be unique to me  
CT: D --> I would like to know your thoughts on the matter  
TT: Would this "another" go by the pseudonym of grimAuxiliatrix, by any chance?  
CT: D --> Correct  
TT: Yes, I've heard a lot from her.  
TT: She seems to be taking a great interest in me.  
TT: I find it, quite frankly, unwelcome.  
TT: Bugging and fussing and meddling.  
TT: Trying to disrupt my mission so we can go play dress-up.  
TT: I appreciate her care for me, but it is ill-timed.  
TT: She also insists on being troubled by my rapport with certain zoologically dubious creatures, which I find extremely irritating.  
CT: D --> I had a certain rapport with them myself  
CT: D --> Being Heir of Void, I inherited the void's allegiance  
CT: D --> Her an%iety is futile  
TT: Could you tell her that?  
TT: She doesn't seem to give credibility to anything from my "Tenebrously Corrupted" mouth.  
TT: Perhaps you may convince her of the gods' benevolence.  
CT: D --> I shall do so  


CT: D --> I have returned  
TT: Already?  
CT: D --> We are outside your timestream and therefore can access it at any point we wish  
TT: Ah, yes.  
TT: The subject of temporal mechanics was broached, hence my sparing human intellect had to assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.  
TT: I do apologise.  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> She 100ked as if her an%iety had not ceased  
CT: D --> But after a brief e%change we agreed that as I have the best understanding of the gods  
CT: D --> I should be allowed to troll you e%c100sively  
CT: D --> Though that may have been sarcasm from her  
CT: D --> She seems to be e%cessively sarcastic as of late and I find it difficult to parse  
CT: D --> I also overheard her quietly e%pressing disdain for "ungrateful light players" to herself after our conversation had ended  
TT: Oh, really?  
TT: Well, if that's her attitude, I doubt I will entertain her ramblings again.  
TT: Can I just ask you one thing?  
CT: D --> Of course  
TT: You can see where I am, can't you?

CT: D --> Yes  
TT: Have you seen this before?  
TT: Or encountered the phrase "" anywhere during your session?  
CT: D --> No  
TT: And so I suddenly understand jack shit.  
CT: D --> Language  
TT: Equius...  
CT: D --> Or  
CT: D --> Not  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Sorry  
TT: Thank you anyway.  
TT: I shall have to further my investigations.  
TT: Goodbye.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

CT: D --> You are a very e100sive human  
CT: D --> Your e%cessive time travel makes it e%cruciatingly difficult to troll you linearly  
TG: nah  
TG: im too cool a motherfucker for linear trolling  
TG: just so damn aloof you cant even get my timeline straight  
TG: if you wanna troll the knight of time  
TG: you gotta do it on my terms  
TG: time loops and paradoxes all up in this shit  
TG: you aint escapin till your heads all messed up with keepin track of things  
TG: thats how were doing this  
TG: striderstyle  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> 100k  
CT: D --> I don't want to get sidetracked  
CT: D --> Setting aside how c001 and a100f you are  
CT: D --> What are you doing  
TG: figuring out how to get this thing out of the thing  
CT: D --> What is it  
TG: a motherfucking sword  
TG: looks big and powerful too  
CT: D --> I know  
CT: D --> I can see it's a sword, I'm not a f001  
CT: D --> But do you know anything about it  
CT: D --> Apart from its obvious quality of being a sword  
CT: D --> Which 100ks big and powerful  
TG: dunno  
TG: consorts just keep nakking  
TG: fucking calsprites no help  
TG: already regretting prototyping seppucrow with that hellpuppet  
TG: got no one to tell me bout shit  
TG: but hey  
TG: big sword shooting off sparks in prime position in a big temple in the land of the guy who uses swords  
TG: hmm  
TG: nah  
TG: probably not gonna be relevant to anything ever  
CT: D --> I think it would be  
TG: god damn  
TG: sarcasm  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Then pull it out  
CT: D --> You are STRONG enough, are you not  
CT: D --> Just  
CT: D --> Try not to use your STRONGNESS to its ma%imum, or you may break it  
CT: D --> I have made this mistake before  
CT: D --> And, 100king at your weapon, it seems you have too  
TG: what  
TG: im not like some hulk guy  
TG: im not gonna break it by just pulling the thing  
CT: D --> Then  
CT: D --> Why e%actly do you wield a broken sword  
CT: D --> If you did not break it yourself  
TG: it was bro  
TG: snapped my piece of shit sword in two earlier on  
TG: had to use 1/2bladekind ever since  
TG: you said youd made this mistake  
TG: you a 1/2bladekinder too  
CT: D --> Uh  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> 1/2bowkind  
TG: half a bow  
TG: what the fuck do you do with that  
TG: use the halves like nunchucks or something  
CT: D --> Essentially  
TG: ok hold that thought im gonna pull this fuckin sword out of the thing

TG: god  
TG: DAMN  
TG: fuckin shitty sword wont budge  
CT: D --> I take obje%ion to that phrasing  
CT: D --> A legendary weapon like that deserves respect  
TG: legendary weapon  
TG: more like a legendary piece of shit  
CT: D --> Whether you respect it or not  
CT: D --> If you cannot pull it out  
CT: D --> Then your best path of a%ion is clear  
TG: what  
CT: D --> Break it  
TG: oh  
TG: of course  
TG: i get it  
CT: D --> What  
TG: its like excalibur or some shit  
CT: D --> What is e%calibur  
TG: sword in a stone  
TG: only the heir to the throne can pull it out  
TG: i bet if john tried itd come out quicker than a guy caught with his boyfriend  
TG: but no  
TG: im no king arthur  
TG: just some fuckin knight  
TG: and if im gonna get that thing  
TG: im gonna have to break it  
CT: D --> Then  
CT: D --> Do so  
TG: yeah not that easy  
TG: like i said im not that strong  
TG: wait

CT: D --> If you are planning what I suspect  
CT: D --> I must STRONGLY advise you against it  
TG: oh yeah  
CT: D --> These temples are ancient  
CT: D --> Bringing down one pillar may cause the destru%ion of the entire chamber  
TG: cool  
TG: gettin all indiana jones up in this shit  
CT: D --> Troll Indiana Jones aside  
CT: D --> I do think this is quite f001ish  
TG: yeah  
TG: but are you the one getting this goddamn sword  
CT: D --> No  
TG: then leave it to me  
TG: king of the britons  
TG: step aside for the knight of time

CT: D --> I think  
CT: D --> I need  
CT: D --> Something to dry myself off with

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

AA: what are y0u d0ing n0w  
EB: well, you told me i would be wasting time here...  
EB: but mourning the loss of these beautiful posters is not a waste of time!  
EB: it brings back memories...  
EB: look what the imps did to my con air poster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AA: i cann0t see why y0u h0ld such affecti0n f0r a m0vie  
EB: because it's awesome. and has basically been my favorite movie ever since i was a kid.  
EB: look, i'll show you!  
EB: http://tinyurl.com/hullohumminburr  
EB: oh, but you will probably have to use your troll thingy to rewind time or whatever, to before the earth internet blew up so you can watch it.  
AA: y0u want me t0 watch this  
AA: why w0uld i d0 that  
AA: it l00ks unappealing  
EB: well, i guess you don't have to.  
AA: i will  
AA: just t0 see what it is that y0u like s0 much  
AA: i will be back in less than a sec0nd  
EB: what...  
EB: oh, timey-wimey.  
EB: right.  
AA: 0k i have watched it n0w  
AA: i was n0t expecting much  
AA: yet t0 be h0nest  
AA: i f0und it endearing in s0me 0dd em0ti0nless way  
AA: in fact i might even appreciate it m0re in the c0ntext 0f the wh0le m0vie  
EB: see? even a robot thinks con air is awesome!  
EB: take THAT, strider.  
AA: d0 y0u think r0b0ts cant have feelings  
EB: no, of course they can!  
EB: that was like, the whole point of johnny 5.  
AA: what  
AA: 0k  
AA: i will assume that is an0ther 0ne 0f y0ur human m0vie references  
EB: look, here is a clip from a film you might like.  
EB: it is called short circuit 2 and is basically awesome.  
EB: http://tinyurl.com/majorinput  
AA: j0hn  
AA: i will n0t watch every clip y0u send me  
AA: time is limited 0n this mete0r as well  
AA: but  
AA: just this 0ne m0re  
AA: 0k im d0ne  
AA: and i must say it was  
AA: amusing  
EB: :)  
AA: at least i think i w0uld find it amusing if my c0mputerized brain c0uld pr0cess th0se em0ti0ns pr0perly  
AA: but i c0uld see h0w that w0uld be funny  
AA: i will n0w type ha t0 express this  
AA: ha  
EB: heheheh...  
EB: haven't you got any movies to show me?  
EB: with really long titles?  
AA: h0w d0 y0u kn0w ab0ut tr0ll m0vie titles  
EB: oh, carcino told me.  
AA: y0u have been talking t0 karkat  
EB: is that his name?  
AA: i d0nt think he will d0 y0u any harm  
AA: he is 0rnery but there is n0 substance t0 his bluster  
EB: yeah, he's pretty funny actually!  
EB: and apparently he's trolling me in reverse, so i have to continue talking to him to avoid messing up the timeline.  
AA: i guess i will have t0 all0w that  
EB: cool.  
AA: y0u waste time f0r a while l0nger s0 i guess i can discuss cinema with y0u  
AA: my fav0rite m0vie when i was alive was  
AA: in which tr0ll harris0n f0rd d0ns a nice hat t0 p0rtray a daring archae0l0gist 0n a missi0n t0 prevent a gr0up 0f r0gue subjugglat0rs fr0m finding the fabled l0st ark 0f the summ0ner and hence gaining unrivaled p0wer  
EB: is that the full title?  
AA: n0  
EB: i thought so.  
EB: but i get the gist.  
EB: it is basically troll indiana jones, isn't it?  
AA: h0w d0 y0u kn0w the characters name  
EB: because there is a human indiana jones too.  
AA: 0k  
AA: my 0pini0n 0f the human race just went up a few n0tches  
EB: yeah, indiana jones is pretty cool.  
AA: i always wanted t0 be like him  
AA: having brave adventures and desecrating ruins just f0r the fun 0f it m0stly  
AA: then i died  
AA: and suddenly it didnt seem s0 fun  
AA: i cant really even remember what fun feels like  
AA: i w0uld be sad ab0ut that  
AA: except i cant feel that either  
EB: wow...  
EB: being dead and emotionless all the time sounds like a pretty awful way to be.  
EB: maybe you'll find a way to come back to life?  
AA: i d0ubt it  
EB: well, if you can be a ghost and a robot and a frog and everything else, can't you end up being alive again too?  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: i guess that w0uld be nice  
EB: it would!  
EB: then you could smile and laugh and find johnny 5 funny properly!  
AA: i think i w0uld like that  
EB: :)  
EB: hey, how much more time am i meant to be wasting before i save jade?  
AA: y0u have ten minutes and twenty five sec0nds  
AA: that is the abs0lute maximum y0u can spend here  
AA: then jade will be in definite need 0f y0ur help  
EB: okay!  
AA: ribbit  
EB: hehe.  
EB: because i've got an idea...  
EB: something that might help make you feel happier?  
EB: well, as happier as a robot without emotions can be.  
EB: i think i've got enough time for that.

You spend a good portion of the next ten minutes and twenty five seconds gathering items from around your house. A hat, a shirt, an old battered leather jacket that your dad would have incinerated if he'd ever found it and an Indiana Jones box set dug up from beneath the sofa.

Seconds in the future, but not many...

AA: w0w  
AA: ribbit  
EB: :)  
EB: just needs the final touch...

AA: 0h my  
AA: 0_0  
EB: you don't like it?  
AA: n0 n0  
AA: i d0  
AA: it d0es l00k great  
EB: :D  
AA: 0_0  
AA: that isnt a very happy em0tic0n is it  
AA: i d0nt quite feel happy  
AA: i d0nt kn0w  
AA: its strange  
AA: whatever i am feeling it definitely feels weird  
EB: do you want me to take it off, then?  
EB: i mean, if you're feeling weird about it...  
AA: n0  
AA: can y0u  
AA: keep wearing it  
AA: please  
AA: i like it  
AA: very much  
EB: sure!  
AA: i think it might be n0stalgia  
AA: whether f0r my days as an archael0gist  
AA: 0r f0r a time when i c0uld actually feel happy  
EB: so you're good then?  
AA: yes  
AA: i think i am  
AA: 0_0


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka. **DRAMA CHAPTER**  
>  (and yes, those were **STRONG** tags I used to make that bold)  
>  I promised more Jade, and voila -- lots and lots of Jade!  
> Also featuring a fun little bonus pesterlog. Just to lighten things up a bit. :D

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]

CT: D --> It 100ks from your computer projection  
CT: D --> That you have just ceased di%cussion with our  
CT: D --> Leader  
GG: karkat leads you???  
GG: oh god how do you stand that guy shouting at you all the time  
CT: D --> Generally we find  
CT: D --> That if we obey his commands  
CT: D --> He becomes a little quieter  
CT: D --> It is only a short reprieve  
CT: D --> But one we choose to take  
GG: hmph  
GG: i wish hed just leave me alone  
GG: "past" him seems to hate me  
GG: "future" him seems to  
GG: like me  
GG: im not sure which is worse  
CT: D --> I will order him to cease his irritation of you  
CT: D --> He must obey  
GG: really?  
GG: i dont think you can stop him that easily  
CT: D --> No, you're right  
CT: D --> Though I should be able to  
CT: D --> The hemospectrum's hold on our kind seems to have 100sened since we entered the game  
CT: D --> And I can no longer use my status to my advantage  
GG: what status?  
GG: hemospectrum??  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> You do not have the hemospectrum, I forgot  
CT: D --> But for your information, we are sorted by b100d color on Alternia  
CT: D --> My b100 b100d marks me out as higher than most  
CT: D --> Almost certainly higher than whatever vile b100d he possesses  
CT: D --> Yet he still believes he can give me orders  
CT: D --> It is  
CT: D --> A di%grace  
GG: hold on  
GG: higher than him????  
GG: is this some class system or something  
CT: D --> In your terms, I believe it would be so  
GG: oh man  
GG: okay equius  
GG: you do seem nice apart from this  
GG: but  
GG: really i dont think treating people differently because of their blood is a good thing  
CT: D --> Oh  
GG: if someone is capable of leading  
GG: shouldnt you let them lead?  
GG: regardless of their blood color or whatever  
CT: D --> He is not capable of leading  
GG: i know that!  
GG: too well :(  
GG: but what if someone "lower" than you was really really good at leading  
GG: and you do everything well and win easily when they lead you  
CT: D --> That would not be possible  
CT: D --> The hemospectrum does not allow for good leaders to be hatched so low  
GG: ugh  
GG: okay  
GG: but do you know anyone with low blood color or whatever whos better at things than people like you?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> There was one  
CT: D --> But I put her right  
GG: put her right?????  
GG: oh man that sounds kind of scary  
CT: D --> It is not  
CT: D --> She was noble  
CT: D --> Elegant  
CT: D --> And graceful in all things  
CT: D --> Yet she had to bear the dishonor of the lowest b100d possible running through her veins  
CT: D --> But no more  
CT: D --> When once she was dead, I granted her new life  
CT: D --> Albeit robotic  
CT: D --> With the impeccable b100 b100d she deserves filling her veins  
GG: what??  
CT: D --> This did cause changes  
CT: D --> She is now more  
CT: D --> Violently tempered  
CT: D --> And seems to only detest me for the favor I granted her  
GG: and you cant see why??  
CT: D --> No  
GG: well heres a thought  
GG: what if she LIKED the way she was  
GG: and didnt want you putting blue blood into her?????  
CT: D --> No one would willingly accept being so low  
GG: oh really???????  
GG: and did she complain about how low her blood was??  
GG: "oh boo hoo i hate having low blood equius please make me better!!!"  
CT: D --> Not  
CT: D --> That I recall  
GG: then MAYBE  
GG: JUST  
GG: FUCKING  
GG: MAYBE  
CT: D --> Langu  
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> Forget I said anything  
GG: MAYBE you should ask first before doing something like that  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> One second  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]  
GG: equius?

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]  
CT: D --> Aradia  
AA: what  
AA: make it quick  
AA: i alm0st certainly d0 n0t care  
AA: and d0 n0t want y0u wasting my time  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Have made a few conne%ions  
AA: 0h really  
AA: n0t interested  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  centaursTesticle [CT]  
centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> This directly relates to you  
AA: 0kay fine  
CT: D --> Is it possible  
CT: D --> That  
CT: D --> You were not pleased by my granting you b100 b100d  
AA: y0u have just w0rked that 0ut  
AA: im impressed  
AA: i never th0ught y0ud w0rk it 0ut at all  
CT: D --> Ok  
CT: D --> Why  
AA: this may be hard t0 believe  
AA: but n0t every0ne is as stubb0rn and sn0bbish as y0u  
AA: there are many pe0ple wh0 c0uld n0t care less ab0ut their bl00d  
AA: n0w that 0ur race is nearly extinct  
AA: there is n0 reas0n left t0 care at all  
CT: D --> What  
AA: WHY W0ULD I WANT Y0U F0RCING Y0UR BIG0TED BLUEBL00D BELIEFS 0NT0 ME  
AA: i was happy with being a rustbl00d  
AA: it didnt matter t0 me at all  
AA: then Y0U happened  
AA: i guess perhaps y0u l0ved me  
AA: but all the same y0u th0ught i was wr0ng  
AA: a flaw in y0ur perfect hem0spectrum  
AA: that needed t0 be fixed  
CT: D --> And I  
CT: D --> "Fi%ed" you  
CT: D --> I'm sorry  
AA: I NEVER NEEDED FIXING  
CT: D --> I never realized  
CT: D --> I  
AA: face it zahhak  
AA: y0ure a narr0w minded f00l clinging t0 the remains 0f a c0rrupt s0ciety l0ng dead  
AA: the hem0spectrum cant help y0u n0w  
CT: D --> Then  
CT: D --> Then what will  
AA: n0t my pr0blem  
AA: g00dbye  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  centaursTesticle [CT]

GG: equius?  
centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]  
CT: D --> Help me Jade  
GG: help you?  
GG: with what?  
CT: D --> I'm a f001  
CT: D --> I spent all my life thinking I was better  
CT: D --> Because of the hemospectrum  
CT: D --> But that's all meaningless now  
CT: D --> I am the Heir of Void  
CT: D --> And I have inherited nothing  
CT: D --> I'm not sure what this makes me now  
GG: oh god  
GG: im sorry equius  
GG: i didnt know it would cause this :(  
CT: D --> There is nothing to be sorry about  
CT: D --> I needed to see  
CT: D --> I think I always knew it to be false somehow  
CT: D --> I just  
CT: D --> Didn't e%pect it to be this difficult to cope with  
GG: hey  
GG: equius  
GG: you are more than just a person with blue blood  
GG: youre a person  
GG: though your blood color doesnt matter  
GG: everything else about you does  
CT: D --> What else about me  
GG: well youre really nice and helpful to me!  
CT: D --> To you, yes  
CT: D --> Because you deserve it  
CT: D --> To others, not so much  
GG: why would you be nice to people who dont deserve it?  
GG: that would be stupid and basically a waste of time  
GG: im usually nice but not to mean people  
GG: because why would i be????  
GG: im not stupid  
GG: and neither are you!  
CT: D --> I guess  
GG: youre not automatically good because of your blood  
GG: youre good because of what you are and what you do  
GG: and i havent talked to you much yet  
GG: but enough to know that youre probably a nice guy  
GG: <3  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> I shall return the gesture  
CT: D --> Of saying that you do seem to be very nice  
CT: D --> And have helped me greatly  
CT: D --> I shall additionally return this gesture  
CT: D --> <3  
GG: :D  
GG: what was that?  
CT: D --> What

EB: who was that you were talking to?  
AA: n0 0ne imp0rtant  
AA: are y0u c0nnected  
EB: yep!  
AA: g00d  
AA: n0w save y0ur friend

GG: whats that?  
CT: D --> I believe your friend has begun the conne%ion with you  
GG: you mean john?  
GG: oh god! i hope hes okay :(  
CT: D --> I believe he is  
CT: D --> Otherwise I doubt he could have connected to you  
GG: oh yeah :p  
GG: im gonna go back to my house then  
GG: bye equius!  
CT: D --> Goodbye, Jade  
gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]  
CT: D --> <3

EB: cruxtruder...  
EB: gotta be careful of bec!  
AA: y0u mean her lusus  
EB: lusus?  
AA: y0u kn0w  
AA: the creature wh0 guards and raises her  
AA: tr0lls have them  
AA: th0ugh jade is the 0nly human i have seen with 0ne  
EB: wait, trolls have big monsters living with them?  
EB: cool!  
AA: i never f0und it anything 0ut 0f the 0rdinary

EB: wow, jade's family sure is weird.  
AA: indeed

EB: so much clutter...  
EB: i'm not even sure what most of this stuff is.  
EB: i guess i'll have to clear up a bit, to get the totem lathe in.  
AA: d0nt waste t00 much time  
AA: d0 what is necessary but n0thing m0re  
EB: got it.

EB: i'll just move this...

EB: whoops!

AA: ha  
EB: hey!  
AA: s0rry

EB: totem lathe...

EB: and alchemiter!  
EB: wow, there's a lot of weird new stuff in here.

EB: hey, how come she gets a cloning pad?  
AA: disregard that  
AA: y0u will n0t need it just yet  
EB: okay.

EB: oh hey, jade's here!

EB: oh fuck!

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  gardenGnostic [GG]  
EB: jade!  
GG: john!!!!  
GG: its good to hear youre ok <3  
EB: you too!  
EB: it is really good to see your real self alive!  
EB: after seeing your dream self dead...  
GG: :(  
EB: okay, we now have 9 minutes and 59 seconds.  
EB: and that kernelsprite needs prototyping!  
GG: what with?  
EB: man, i dunno...  
EB: so much random crap in here!  
GG: i know  
GG: i found it really strange  
GG: but maybe it was to help us make this decision?  
EB: huh, how would he know about that?  
GG: oh i dont know  
GG: hey  
GG: can we put him in the kernelsprite?  
GG: i would really like to see him again :)  
EB: sure!  
EB: but not yet.  
EB: otherwise we will get loads of grandpa imps.  
GG: noooooo!  
EB: something else, then...  
EB: heh, imagine blue lady imps.  
GG: haha  
EB: what is it with all the blue ladies?  
GG: dont ask...  
EB: okay. i will make up my mind, while you have to do all the totem lathe and cruxite stuff.  
EB: got it?  
GG: yes!  
EB: then go go go!!!

EB: what.  
GG: oh that thing  
GG: thats always been there  
GG: i always hated it :/  
EB: well, i think it's pretty cool to just have this massive monster lying around.  
EB: also it's sort of cute. :p  
GG: :p!!!!!!  
EB: ok hold that thought, i'm going to yank this stupid monster off of the thing.

EB: augh!!!!!!!!!  
EB: i am making such a fucking mess in here.

GG: huh???  
EB: never mind, i am just dropping monsters all over the place.  
EB: okay. your cruxite and punched card are by the lathe!  
EB: no hurry, we've got plenty of time left.  
GG: cool!  
EB: right, i'll figure out what to prototype this thing with...  
EB: i almost accidentally put your grandpa in!  
GG: D:  
EB: yeah, i do not want to be facing our grandfatherly paradox dad as a last boss.  
GG: um  
GG: what?

AA: j0hn  
AA: J0HN  
AA: 0h n0  
AA: VRISKA

BONUS PESTERLOG

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  arsenicCatnip [AC]  
TG: hey there  
AC: :33 < *ac pouncegr33ts her furrendly visitor!*  
TG: haha  
TG: but seriously  
TG: are you actually friends with that ct douche  
AC: :33 < yes  
TG: ok  
TG: why  
TG: cos i dont see how you two would ever get along ever  
AC: :33 < its more complicated than you think  
AC: :33 < he n33ds me and i n33d him  
AC: :33 < so we get along just fine :33  
TG: ok  
TG: calling that as the oddest friendship of all time but whatever  
TG: you up for some furry rp  
AC: :33 < yes!!!  
AC: :33 < thank you dave  
AC: :33 < not many people want to rp with me these days :((  
TG: i got time  
TG: like i literally got time  
TG: i can turn it back a bit if it starts getting too late in the timeline for me  
TG: so yeah im down with rping  
AC: :33 < yay!!!  
TG: *akwete purrmusk creeps along over to acs cave*  
TG: *because he is sleek strong silent and agile as fuck*  
AC: :33 < *ac was p33ring out her window*  
AC: :33 < *and caught sight of the nimble purrmusk!*  
AC: :33 < *she opens her cave door and welcomes him in*  
AC: :33 < hey!!!  
TG: hey  
AC: :33 < what brings you here mr purrmusk? :33  
TG: im here to declare battle  
AC: :33 < :oo  
TG: a rap battle  
AC: :33 < (ooc: raps like slam poetry, right?)  
AC: :33 < (ive heard you refur to it before but im still not quite sure what it is)  
TG: (yeah pretty much)  
AC: :33 < (cool!)  
AC: :33 < i havent rapped before  
AC: :33 < but i guess theres always a first time!  
TG: fuck yeah  
TG: before you know it youll be slicing people up with your razor sharp rhymes  
TG: unless i get to you first  
AC: :33 < lets go then!  
TG: sure  
TG: may the best furry win  
TG: *sicknasty beat starts up*  
TG: so ac  
TG: i see  
TG: you accepted the challenge to a battle with me  
TG: well my friend  
TG: i commend you  
TG: and lets hope that my rhymes dont end you  
AC: :33 < akwete!!!  
AC: :33 < youre so sw33t  
AC: :33 < but when it comes to this rap battle youre dead meat  
AC: :33 < ill have you dodging and ducking my verbal claws  
AC: :33 < get you so puffed out youll have to pause  
AC: :33 < this battle may as well be over now beclaws  
AC: :33 < i got victory on my paws!!!!!!!  
TG: are you sure you can deflect my verbal pulse  
TG: im so fast ill make your feline muscles convulse  
TG: my words snick and slash  
TG: burn opposition to ash  
TG: i drop the best rhymes here  
TG: all others are trash  
AC: :33 < oh are you really sure???  
AC: :33 < youre standing at my door!  
AC: :33 < this kittys on hive turf  
AC: :33 < and now ill wipe the floor  
AC: :33 < stay if you think that you can stand much more  
AC: :33 < ill back down when i want to and not before!  
TG: (holy shit)  
TG: (are you sure youve never rapped before)  
AC: :33 < (pawsitive!)  
AC: :33 < (its not as hard as i thought)  
TG: (well youre doing real good for a first timer)  
TG: (keep it up)  
AC: :33 < s33 my fur spike up in a really scary way?  
AC: :33 < im the predator here is what its trying to say!!!  
TG: oh shit  
AC: :33 < ha ha! >:33  
TG: no that was an ooc oh shit  
TG: talk to you later ok  
AC: :33 < huh?  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  arsenicCatnip [AC]


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Had to do the lifey thing for a few days. And _then_ my phone, with all my drafts on it, decided to render itself kaput...  
>  But oh well. Despite the difficulties: Chapter 5, here we go!

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]  
AA: y0u were resp0nsible f0r this  
AG: Responsi8le?  
AG: I hoooooooonestly have no idea what you're talking a8out.  
AA: i d0nt think y0u even kn0w what h0nesty is  
AA: i d0nt have time f0r y0ur games  
AA: what has happened is 0bvi0us  
AA: j0hn fell asleep  
AA: theref0re he failed t0 pr0t0type jades kernelsprite  
AA: s0 her 0mnip0tent lusus pr0t0typed itself  
AA: this created the indestructible dem0n and caused 0ur entire plight  
AA: y0u are resp0nsible f0r 0ur failure  
AG: Yes, you worked it all out, very clever!  
AG: 8ut not clever enough to see whyyyyyyyy!  
AG: It had to happen, you know that.  
AG: Otherwise we would never have got here in the first place!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8luh, why am I the only one here who actually THINKS????????  
AA: y0u didnt have t0 d0 it  
AA: this isnt predestinati0n  
AA: this is pure arr0gance  
AG: Who else would have done it?  
AA: it w0uld have happened regardless  
AA: ribbit  
AG: How?  
AG: You're the clever one here, frog girl. Tell me how it would have happened!!!!!!!!  
AA: the alpha timeline had t0 have this happen  
AA: it w0uld have happened t0 us regardless 0f h0w  
AA: else we w0uld all be d00med  
AG: You haven't answered my question.  
AG: Who or what else could have done this?  
AA: 0_0  
AA: y0u are a stubb0rn and frustrating girl  
AG: Shouldn't you have done it, 8eing the Time player?  
AG: Your timeline, yoooooooour responsi8ility!  
AA: it w0uld have happened  
AG: No, you would 8e too sentimental over that 8lue dork you insist on helping to have done what you needed to do.  
AG: I wasn't stupid enough to get close to one of those dum8 hornless idiots.  
AG: No attachments getting in my way!  
AA: fr0m what ive heard y0u did try t0 befriend him  
AG: Qui8t!!!!!!!!  
AG: Everything in 8oth this session and ours has 8een caused 8y me.  
AG: There is not a single fire in either of my sessions free of my irons.  
AG: I am the main character in our story.  
AG: Like it or n8t!!!!!!!!  
AA: this w0uld have happened anyway  
AA: y0u didnt have t0 make y0urself the villain  
AG: Oh, I'm a villain now, am I????????  
AG: I only did what needed to 8e done.  
AG: Dooming our timeline would have made me a villain!  
AG: 8ut noooooooo. I'm going to stop Jack and save us aaaaaaaall in the end!  
AG: Just wait and see!!!!!!!!  
AA: im n0t sure if y0ure mad 0r just f00lish  
AA: either way im d0ne talking t0 y0u  
AG: W8!!!!!!!!  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  arachnidsGrip [AG]  
AG: Oh f8ne!!!!!!!! Ignore the hero who s8ved all our skins!!!!!!!!  
AG: As if I c8re........

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]  
AA: j0hn  
EB: aaargh!!!  
EB: can't you see i'm a bit busy right now??  
EB: you know, about to be...  
EB: BURNT TO DEATH BY GREEN FIRE!!  
AA: i kn0w  
AA: i can see it  
AA: but there is s0mething y0u can d0 ab0ut it

EB: yeah, um, i'm not too sure about that!  
EB: there's like, lots of it! everywhere!  
EB: what am i supposed to do, blow it out?  
AA: yes  
EB: ...  
EB: i'm sorry, but what?  
EB: blow out a fire like this???  
AA: yes  
AA: f0r many it w0uld n0t be p0ssible  
AA: but y0u are the heir 0f breath  
AA: and that gives y0u certain  
AA: abilities  
AA: n0w use them  
EB: how???  
AA: y0ull figure it 0ut  
EB: what????  
EB: is that all you're going to give me?  
AA: d0 it  
EB: i don't know how!  
AA: d0 the windy thing j0hn

> JOHN. MANY APOLOGIES FOR THE BIG LETTERS. BUT DO AS THE RED TEXT MAID SAYS.

EB: what do you mean, the windy thing??  
AA: it is fully within y0ur p0wer t0 extinguish the infern0  
AA: all y0u have t0 d0 is find the ability t0 d0 s0  
EB: but how??????

AA: picture y0urself d0ing it  
AA: then bring that t0 reality  
EB: it's not happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AA: JUST D0 IT  
AA: RIBBIT

> DO THE WINDY THING DO THE WINDY THING DO THE WINDY THING

AA: D0 THE WINDY THING J0HN

> DO THE WINDY THING BOY

AA: I KN0W Y0U CAN  
AA: I KN0W Y0U WILL  
AA: S0 D0 IT  
EB: wait, i think it's happening!

EB: whoa...

EB: i think this is the windy thing!

AA: yes that l00ks pretty windy t0 me

> I CONGRATULATE YOU MOST POLITELY, JOHN.  
> MY MOST THANKFUL THANKS FOR YOU NOT DYING.  
> AND ADDITIONALLY NOT BEING OFFENDED BY MY MOST UNMANNERLY BIG LETTERS.

AA: well d0ne j0hn  
AA: y0u are well 0n the way t0 full realizati0n 0f y0ur p0wers n0w  
EB: that sounds awesome!  
AA: i will c0ntact y0u ab0ut achieving this when y0u land  
AA: it will n0t be with0ut difficulty i must warn y0u  
EB: hey. if i can manage this, i'm sure that it'll be a breeze.  
AA: ha  
EB: ha?  
EB: oh... heheh, i didn't even do that intentionally!  
AA: i d0 n0t generally g0 in f0r puns  
AA: but that was quite g00d i must admit  
AA: albeit unintenti0nal  
EB: :)  
EB: so what do you mean by difficulty?  
EB: what do i have to do?  
AA: i shall tell y0u  
AA: but f0r n0w  
AA: g00dbye crap head  
EB: that was a johnny 5 reference, wasn't it?  
AA: yes  
AA: 0_0  
AA: n0 thats n0t really appr0priate here is it  
AA: 0u0  
AA: actually that just l00ks stupid  
AA: 0h well  
AA: see y0u  
EB: bye!  
EB: crap head.  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]  
CT: D --> Jade  
CT: D --> Are you alright

No answer. You look at her on the viewport and there she is, all tuckered out and sleeping again.

You could jump ahead to when she's awake, but you'd rather not get into any brain-warping temporal shenanigans right now. You'll try her again later, after her nap.

In the meantime, there's someone else you've been meaning to check up on.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  tentacleTherapist [TT]  
CT: D --> E%cuse me  
CT: D --> May I ask you something  
TT: That's unsurprising.  
TT: After all, it's what everyone's been doing.  
CT: D --> This in itself is unsurprising  
CT: D --> You are b100ming into a truly knowledgeable Seer  
CT: D --> Yet some of the information you know surprises me  
CT: D --> The gods would not impart to me this much  
TT: Maybe they pick favorites.  
TT: Why are you pointing this out?  
TT: Upset that you never got as much attention, perchance?  
TT: The less favored child in the family?  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> Just  
CT: D --> Suspicious  
CT: D --> Are you not a Light player  
TT: Correct.  
CT: D --> Then would it not make sense for you to seek knowledge from Skaia's light  
CT: D --> Rather than the Void  
TT: Oh, I'd love to, but Skaia's a bit too gaudy for my tastes.  
TT: And anyway, paradox space had to go and place me on Derse, didn't it?  
CT: D --> Disregarding the whims of parado% space  
CT: D --> Aren't you going against your path here  
TT: Is this not obvious?  
TT: I've been going against my path ever since I blew up my first gate.  
CT: D --> Yes, and it is worrying  
CT: D --> This path of your own making will only end badly  
TT: Why should I care?  
TT: We're destined to fail, anyway.  
CT: D --> If you're destined to fail, why do you do anything  
TT: Because...  
TT: I have come to believe that our session may have a greater purpose.  
TT: Extending far beyond this single universe.  
CT: D --> Oh  
TT: Oh indeed.  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Do go on  
TT: Why should I?  
TT: It doesn't affect you.  
CT: D --> If it e%tends beyond your universe  
CT: D --> Then it most likely does  
TT: That is a fair point.  
TT: Alright.  
TT: I shall taunt you with a few tantalizing tidbits of the tangle of tactics we are thinking over.  
TT: I mentioned the  before, didn't I?  
CT: D --> Correct  
TT: Well, I have been given a mission.  
TT: A simple one.  
TT: To blow it up.  
CT: D --> Is this wise  
TT: Oh yes, absolutely.  
TT: I neglected to mention: the gods are not my only source.  
TT: I am also in contact with a guide who knows even more.  
TT: He is omniscient, in fact.  
TT: He was the one who gave me this mission.  
CT: D --> Who is he  
TT: I've already told you all you need to know about him.  
CT: D --> Why do you believe him  
CT: D --> I find this highly irrational  
CT: D --> The omni%ience may be nothing but a pretense  
TT: Well, I find your percent sign placement highly irrational.  
TT: Anyway, I trust him.  
CT: D --> I do not believe this is a good idea  
CT: D --> You may end up being played for a f001  
TT: Oh, Equius. As much of a help as you are, I'm not going to turn down omniscient aid. Whether it turns out to be true or not, I'm risking it.  
TT: I have to trust him. That way I get what I need from him.  
CT: D --> May I ask  
CT: D --> Do you  
CT: D --> Trust me  
TT: As it happens, I do.  
TT: I have been talking with other trolls recently. One of them appears to know you... purrsonally.  
CT: D --> You have been speaking with Nepeta  
TT: Is that her name?  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> I should have known she would wish to speak with all of you  
TT: Well, she's spoken to me at least.  
TT: And I honestly don't think she could ever mean anyone harm.  
TT: If she trusts you, then I do.  
CT: D --> Good  
CT: D --> One more question, then  
CT: D --> I e%pect it would be rather hard to e%plode a sun  
CT: D --> Whether it is a  or not  
CT: D --> So how are you intending to go about it  
TT: Simple.  
TT: A bomb.  
TT: With myself as emissary.  
TT: I shall accompany it right to the heart of the explosion.  
CT: D --> So  
CT: D --> A suicide mission  
TT: One could say so.  
CT: D --> In other words, this omniscient man wants you dead  
CT: D --> Highly suspicious  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  tentacleTherapist [TT]  
TT: Only my dream self, I'm planning.  
TT: Nothing to worry about.  
TT: And of course, he's gone.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  
CT: D --> Human Dave  
CT: D --> I require something of you  
TG: protip calling me human dave is a real good way to instantly win me round to everything you say ever  
CT: D --> Is it  
TG: no  
CT: D --> Ok  
TG: what is it then  
CT: D --> You are well-known to Rose, are you not  
TG: no shit  
TG: she is practically incarcerated in my grill like you wouldnt fuckin believe  
CT: D --> And she will be more likely to do what you tell her, I assume  
TG: yeah not too sure about that  
TG: theres no ordering rose lalonde about  
TG: she is one independent motherfucker  
TG: whats this for  
TG: you wanna rp with her  
TG: feelin lonely cos your kitty girl prefers that sleek furry motherfucker known only as akwete purrmusk  
TG: cos if you wanna rp with rose  
TG: i hope youre ok with tentacle porn  
CT: D --> She is planning a suicide mission  
TG: holy shit  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]  
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]  
TG: ok  
TG: talked to her  
TG: a dream self suicide mission  
TG: thanks for getting me all scared like that bro  
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> I did not realise, I apologize  
CT: D --> Yet still, you should not underestimate the magnitude of a dream self death  
TG: meh  
TG: she can throw them around like free candy for all i care  
CT: D --> But the point I was going to make before you disconnected still stands  
CT: D --> She is taking this advice from a supposedly omniscient man  
CT: D --> Who she has no reason to trust  
CT: D --> And is making a plan with her that could end up with her dead  
TG: wow that sounds totally safe  
TG: like her position is mad unassailable  
TG: there is literally no way this guy will backstab her  
CT: D --> That was  
CT: D --> Sarcasm  
TG: shit youre good  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> So I think we should 100k out for her  
TG: cool  
TG: operation rosewatch is go


	6. Chapter 6

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: hey  
TT: Hello.  
TG: so  
TG: whats up  
TT: What do you want from me?  
TG: what  
TG: that is such a ridiculous question  
TG: i mean for all you know i could just be here to chat  
TG: like hey rose how about we have a nice talking session  
TG: friendlystyle  
TG: the way we used to before you became all grim and dark  
TG: i am 100% offended by the insinuation that i could be here for anything else  
TT: 100%?  
TT: Equius sent you, didn't he?  
TG: nooooooooooooo  
TT: Which means?  
TG: maybe  
TT: He's worrying about me, isn't he?  
TG: maybe  
TT: I thought GA worrying was enough.  
TT: He was the one who told me there was nothing to worry about, now he's even sending you to check up on me!  
TG: ok but  
TG: to be fair  
TG: you are the one whos going on a big dream suicide mission on the instructions of some guy with literally zero credentials  
TG: like what even is that for  
TG: are you just throwing your dream self away because some guy told you itd be a good idea  
TT: The  is the power source of the First Guardians, Bec among them.  
TT: I eliminate that power source, and suddenly Jack's First Guardian powers are neutralized,  
TT: Losing him a significant amount of his advantage and redressing the balance in our benefit.  
TG: how do you know  
TG: you literally know all this because he told you right  
TT: Correct, but I don't think you quite understand.  
TG: no no i do  
TG: i understand that youve taken some real dodgy advice thatll end up with your dream self dead from some guy you know literally nothing about  
TG: its like undressing on cam for some pedo who says hes actually twelve  
TG: are you seriously committing dream suicide for some omniscient pedo  
TT: I admit I know little about the man.  
TT: And that some of his interactions with me can be interpreted as borderline pedophilic.  
TG: then why the fuck are you talking to him  
TG: get out of there  
I believe this is the point where I intervene.  
TG: what the  
TG: how  
TG: are you doing that  
It is a simple matter for one as powerful as I.  
I am omnipotent as well as omniscient.  
TG: oh fuck  
TG: so youre omniscient pedo guy  
If you insist on calling me that.  
I, however, do prefer the term "Mr. Vanilla Milkshake."  
TG: what the actual fuck  
TG: you really are creepy as hell  
TG: rose tell me why you listen to this man again  
Go on.  
Tell your misguided brother, Seer.  
TG: shit her being my sister is still weird as hell  
TG: but yeah ok  
TT: It's common sense.  
TT: Either he is telling the truth, or he isn't.  
TT: And either I follow his advice, or I don't.  
TT: If he is telling the truth, and I follow his advice, we may have a chance against Jack Noir.  
TT: If he is, and I don't, we have lost that chance and Jack stays omnipotent.  
TT: The possibility that he may not be telling the truth must be set aside for the possibility that we could, potentially, seriously weaken Jack Noir by following his advice.  
TT: Ergo, I do it and we could win.  
TT: I don't, and no one will be any the wiser.  
You see?  
TG: but  
What arguments could you ever possibly have against that?  
TG: so youre going to do it  
TG: youre gonna blow up the   
TG: i mean the green sun fuck this colored text bullshit  
That is her plan.  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: and whats your plan  
It's not something that concerns you right now.  
TT: Dave, it's fine.  
TT: Don't worry about me.  
TT: And tell Equius not to worry either.  
TG: but  
TG: he said  
TG: a dream self death is worse than you think  
TT: I would gladly sacrifice my dream self if it allows us a stab at victory.  
Your sister is wise, Mr. Strider.  
Don't worry yourself. She knows what she's doing.  
Or at least, I do.  
And it's what needs to be done.  
TG: ugh whatever  
TG: im leavin  
TG: ill let you scheme with white text asshole in peace  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

turntechGodhead[TG] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]  
TG: ok so i went to check up on rose like you told me to  
TG: but shes still hellbent on doing this  
TG: and the worst bit is  
TG: her reasoning is _fucking flawless_  
TG: making a dent in that logic is like breaking out of alcatraz  
TG: or troll alcatraz or whatever  
TG: no amount of troll pickaxes will dig you into that reasoning  
TG: fucking ten foot walls of complete sense  
TG: shes doing it man  
TG: shes making this hapen  
CT: D --> Ok  
TG: yeah  
TG: ok alright  
CT: D --> What did she say  
CT: D --> E%actly  
TG: man im not repeating all that shit  
TG: go ask her  
CT: D --> I shall  


tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]  
TT: Look, I know exactly what you're about to say.  
CT: D --> Do you  
TT: You're about to subject me to another interrogation on my "f001ish plan", aren't you?  
CT: D --> Well  
CT: D --> Perhaps  
Must we have a repeat of this?  
CT: D --> What  
Everything has already been explained sufficiently.  
CT: D --> I do not find it to be so  
CT: D --> I would like some justification before Rose carries out this haphazard scheme  
TT: I've given Dave all the justification necessary.  
TT: Now, would you kindly let me scheme with White Text Asshole in peace?  
CT: D --> Lang  
CT: D --> Never mind  
You may consider that an order, Mr. Zahhak.  
CT: D --> Abso100tely  
CT: D --> At once  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

CT: D --> I have returned  
TG: you see what i mean  
CT: D --> I am none the wiser, I'm afraid  
TG: huh  
TG: what happened  
CT: D --> After first managing to predict my reason for querying her, she preemptively began the di%cussion  
CT: D --> Managing to e100de any justification whatsoever  
CT: D --> Then they ordered me to leave  
CT: D --> I had to comply  
TG: they  
TG: vanilla milkshake was there too huh  
CT: D --> If you are using that  
CT: D --> Rather frivolous term  
CT: D --> To refer to the one with white te%t  
CT: D --> Then indeed  
TG: oh god  
TG: that man is unbelievable  
TG: he had better not appear in our fucking conversation  
Hello.  
TG: OH MY FUCKING GOD  
turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

turntechGodhead[TG] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]  
TG: ok new chat  
TG: hopefully one which FUCKING WHITE TEXT wont get into  
TG: ughhh it just feels really really uncomfortable that he like  
TG: knows everything were saying and can just invade our chat at any time  
Oh, yes. I'm always watching.  
TG: FUCK OFF  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  


centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  
CT: D --> Perhaps this chat will be more fortuitous  
TG: whatd you do that for  
TG: its clear that vanilla asshole can just leap into any chat like fuckin santa claus into chimneys  
TG: no kids are safe from the fuckin pedo presents  
TG: k asshole this is where you jump in and be really really smug and creepy  
TG: ...  
TG: ...  
TG: ...  
TG: ...  
CT: D --> ...  
TG: fuck  
TG: of course hes not gonna do it this time  
TG: every time except when we fuckin expect him  
TG: douche  
TG: i bet youre still reading this  
TG: in which case  
TG: GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A VANILLA MILKSHAKE GLASS  
CT: D --> I doubt he can hear you  
TG: what  
CT: D --> As it happens, I was e%pecting this to occur  
CT: D --> I suspected my void powers may come into play and make this an e%ception to the usual rule of omnipermeable conversations  
CT: D --> I was correct  
TG: oh ok  
TG: so youre saying  
TG: literally the only conversations we can have that he cant jump into or perv on creepily  
TG: are the ones you start  
CT: D --> In essence  
TG: better than nothing  
TG: so  
TG: rosewatching  
TG: going really fuckin well huh  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> E%actly the opposite, in fact  
TG: i know  
TG: going about as well as your sarcasm recognition  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> Ok  
TG: so what  
TG: rose and vanilla fuckshake just told you to leave  
TG: and you did  
TG: didnt try to find anything out  
TG: just pissed off out of there like a chump  
CT: D --> Um  
CT: D --> Essentially  
TG: jesus dick you really are a pushover  
CT: D --> To be fair  
CT: D --> They did order me  
TG: ohhh yeah  
TG: and you gotta obey literally every order someone gives you  
CT: D --> Yes  
TG: no that was SARCASM  
CT: D --> But I do  
TG: holy shit  
TG: you really are fucked up  
TG: ok  
TG: this cliche is fuckin ancient but  
TG: if vanilla milkshit told you to jump off a cliff  
TG: ...  
CT: D --> There are no cliffs in the vicinity  
CT: D --> At least, none that I am aware of  
TG: ok but  
TG: what if you were standing right next to one  
TG: and so was he  
TG: just you and vanilla pedo in new clifftown cliffland  
TG: and he ordered you to jump off that cliff  
TG: what then  
CT: D --> Hrrrk  
TG: would you  
CT: D --> If he was  
CT: D --> Sufficiently forceful  
CT: D --> I would have no option  
TG: oh my fucking christ  
TG: ok  
TG: i order you  
TG: to do the chicken dance  
TG: right in front of everyone on wherever you are  
CT: D --> One question  
CT: D --> What is "the chicken dance"  
TG: hang on  
TG: ok  
TG: http://tinyurl.com/thechickendance  
CT: D --> Very good  
CT: D --> I understand how to proceed  
TG: wait youre not actually doing it are you  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  
TG: you are arent you  
TG: oh my god

turntechGodhead[TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
TG: hey  
TG: just a heads up  
TG: this isnt me getting all conversationally at you full time again  
TG: because you still seriously freak me out  
GC: >:/  
TG: but do you remember that conversation we had  
TG: if you actually had it yet  
TG: where it just basically turned into h3h3h3h4h4h4h4h4h4h4 from you for a while  
TG: and you wouldnt tell me what you were laughing at and eventually you just disconnected  
GC: >:?  
TG: you havent had it yet then  
GC: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT D4V3  
GC: BUT 1T SOUNDS 1NTR1GU1NG >:D  
GC: 4ND H1L4R1OUS!  
TG: ok but  
TG: when it does happen  
TG: could you film it and send it to me  
GC: SUR3!  
GC: 1 TH1NK TH3R3S 4 W3BC4M ON TH1S TH1NG  
GC: 4ND 1F 1TS TH4T FUNNY TH3N 1 WOULD LOV3 TO SH4R3 1T W1TH YOU >;]  
GC: 4R3 YOU SUUUUUUUUUR3 W3 C4NT G3T FULL T1M3 CONV3RS4T1ON4LLY 4G41N?  
GC: >;]  
GC: > ;]  
GC: >;]  
TG: jegus fuck no  
TG: there you got a jegus outta me are you happy  
TG: just like old times  
TG: old times being literally like an hour ago  
GC: 1 M1SS OLD T1M3S >:[  
TG: yeah well im still not really comfortable around you any more  
TG: not since i heard you killed all those people  
GC: 1N TH3 N4M3 OF JUST1C3!  
GC: 1 H4D TO DO 1T  
TG: still  
TG: freaky manipulative killer  
TG: im not sure i really wanna be talking with you  
TG: i dunno  
TG: maybe if we were like stuck together for three years or some shit in dull boredomtown  
TG: id be ok with it  
TG: but thats not gonna happen  
TG: and as for just a usual  
TG: "hey tz whats up"  
TG: you can forget it  
TG: because this may be news to you but murder is kind of a big deal to us humans  
TG: so yeah  
GC: >:[  
GC: W3LL OK4Y  
GC: SORRY 1M FR34K1NG YOU OUT  
GC: COS YOUR3 R34LLY FUN TO T4LK W1TH >:[  
TG: yeah well  
TG: when that thing happens  
TG: just send me that shit  
TG: ok  
GC: OK4Y  
TG: ok  
turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!!  
GC: OH MY GOD  
GC: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD!  
GC: TH4T W4S  
GC: H1L4R1OUS!!!  
GC: H4444444 H4H4  
GC: >:D  
TG: so it happened then  
GC: Y3S 1T MOST C3RT41NLY D1D H4PP3N3D!  
GC: (h3h3)  
TG: cool  
TG: can you send me the file then  
GC: OK4Y!  
GC: J3GUS D4V3  
GC: SO BOSSY >;]  
\--  gallowsCalibrator [GC] sent  turntechGodhead [TG] the file "OHMYGODWH4T1SH3DO1NG.MOV" --  
GC: 3NJOY!  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU W1LL >;]  
TG: thanks  
TG: bye  
GC: D4V3!  
turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
GC: 1 M4D3 YOU 4 COM1C!  
GC: >:[

turntechGodhead[TG] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]  
TG: hey equius  
TG: you need serious help


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Chapter 6 has been edited slightly to reflect errors pointed out to me by cryptologicalMystic -- thanks for that! A summary of the edits -- and a bonus pesterlog! -- can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/3813831).)
> 
> At _last_ , Chapter 7 is finished!
> 
> Well, I say "finished"... there was originally a lot more to come, but I decided I may as well post this lot -- it's substantial enough to form a chapter on its own, and I've kept you waiting long enough. This new "gameplay feature" was a massive task for me with my limited resources, not to mention a work ethic nowhere near that of a certain A. Hussie, so I'm glad I didn't take longer... also, I'll probably have to take that "Pesterlog" tag down now...
> 
> Anyway! Enjoy the new chapter, finally!

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  apocalypseArisen [AA]  
EB: so this is it?  
AA: yes  
EB: big stone slab... doesn't look very comfortable.  
EB: i was thinking it'd be more like an actual bed for some reason.  
EB: like, with pillows, and comfiness.  
EB: probably a bit weird, but this whole day's been nothing but weird!  
EB: at least then i'd get a more comfortable death.  
AA: this is all the game gives y0u  
AA: at least it is n0t f0r l0ng  
AA: y0u are guaranteed a safe return t0 life afterwards  
EB: i guess...  
EB: but i really don't feel good about this, aradia.  
EB: like, talking about my own death...  
EB: do i have to kill myself?  
EB: i do not think i could go through with that.  
AA: y0u might n0t have t0  
AA: this quest bed can be seen fr0m a l0ng way away  
AA: and jack n0ir may use this as an 0pp0rtunity t0  
AA: neutralize y0u  
AA: while in fact d0ing the exact 0pp0site  
EB: okay, i guess that makes sense.  
EB: i am going to come back to life? for sure?  
EB: there's no way that it couldn't work out?  
AA: i am n0t entirely sure 0f the specifics  
EB: and what does it even do?  
EB: apart from bring me back to life.  
EB: you said something about realizing my powers, right?  
AA: yes that is c0rrect  
AA: y0u will be resurrected with y0ur p0wers greatly enhanced  
EB: do i even need to enhance them, though?  
EB: i covered an entire planet with wind, i think that's good enough for anyone!  
EB: and this whole death thing...  
EB: it really weirds me out.  
AA: perhaps i am just m0re c0mf0rtable with death than m0st  
EB: yeah, well, i kinda want to stay alive.  
EB: i think i'll just go and do other stuff.  
EB: and if i feel like i need more powers, i can always come back.  
AA: there is n0thing t0 fear  
AA: but that may be best f0r y0u

EB: sooo...  
EB: what now?  
AA: J0HN  
AA: TURN AR0UND  
EB: huh?

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  apocalypseArisen [AA]

> JOHN. RISE UP.

> BOY! WINDY BOY!

> RISE UP RISE UP RISE UP

> NO NO NO NO

> CANNOT DIE HERE. NOT ALLOWED. STUPID STUPID DUMB.

> RISE UP!

> RISE UP!!!!!

> please rise up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... aaaaaaaaaaaand it seems my decision to cut things off here has left you on a cliffhanger.  
>  HOW UNFORTUN4T3! >:]
> 
> The resolution should be up far quicker than this chapter, though, as I've already got quite a lot of it prepared -- and no time-consuming gifs to make!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those who haven't been reading the comments will be very much confused by the first image in this chapter...
> 
> No, John was not stabbed through the chest with a magical clothes-change sword. This is the result of a brilliant idea by RidleyDidley and walkingDreams, who get a shout-out for inspiring both this and some of the events of this chapter. (You two are in cahoots, I swear. Cahoots, I say!!!!!!!!) Check the end of Chapter 3 to see exactly how I've implemented it, as well as Chapters 4, 5 and 7 which also contain edits along those lines.
> 
> I said this'd be up quickly, yet still took almost a week on it... *bows head in shame* That wasn't the fault of the image edits, actually, those were a lot easier than you'd think. _That_ was the fault of my computer playing tricks on me! Blacking out pages, telling me I had normal internet connection when no pages would load at all... *shakes fist*  >:[
> 
> Anyway. Despite mishaps, here it is! Chapter 8, the resolution to the gripping "OH MY GOD THEY KILLED JOHNNY" saga.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  
AA: dave  
TG: hello yes  
TG: this is the pesterchum of mister david coolkid strider  
TG: please leave a message after the sick beats  
AA: this is n0t relevant  
AA: y0u are wasting time  
AA: ribbit  
TG: hey you talked to me before didnt you  
TG: youre aradio arent you  
AA: aradia  
AA: i d0 n0t remember that c0nversati0n  
TG: you kept rambling on at me about time  
TG: whats with the zero thing  
AA: ribbit  
TG: and the ribbits  
TG: you never did that before i dont think  
AA: didnt i  
AA: interesting  
AA: but again n0t relevant right n0w  
AA: there is s0mething very imp0rtant i am here t0 tell y0u  
TG: ok shoot  
AA: j0hn is dead  
TG: what  
TG: no  
TG: you gotta be trolling me  
AA: in 0ne sense 0f the w0rd yes  
AA: but believe me i am telling the truth here  
AA: th0ugh maybe n0t c0mpletely  
AA: he is n0t dead at the exact m0ment y0u are at  
TG: then whats the panic  
TG: weve all gotta die someday right  
AA: y0u are missing the p0int  
AA: he isnt meant t0  
AA: he is alive and well in the future  
AA: i have checked  
AA: yet i still saw him die  
TG: holy shit ok  
TG: hes dead then  
TG: what do i do about it  
TG: is this a doomed timeline??????  
AA: n0  
TG: did he blast off into the seventh gate and get himself killed  
TG: have i gotta go back and change things  
TG: should probably prototype something other than FUCKING CAL while im at it  
AA: i said n0  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: ok  
TG: so someones gotta do something  
AA: c0rrect  
AA: and with all the time in this game at y0ur disp0sal  
AA: wh0 better t0 ask  
TG: got it  
TG: what do i do  
AA: there are several meth0ds 0f resurrecting dead players available  
AA: the m0st c0nventi0nal is put int0 acti0n by kissing the dead player  
AA: the players primary c0nsci0usness will then m0ve permanently int0 the dream self  
TG: oh shit  
TG: i gotta kiss him  
TG: not fun but guess i gotta do this for my bro  
TG: right  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]  
AA: h0wever this is n0t what y0u need t0 d0 here as he died in cl0se pr0ximity t0 an0ther meth0d 0f resurrecti  
AA: 0h  
AA: 0_0  
AA: ribbit

You try to contact him...

Oh, he had to go and time hop, didn't he?

Now you'll have to find him first, whichever of these hundreds of timelines he may be in.

Yeah, it looks like that's gonna take a while.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  
GC: 444H4H4H4H4H444  
TG: what the fuck is it now  
TG: im busy cant you see  
GC: OH MY GOD D4V3  
GC: SOOOOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOL  
TG: shut up  
GC: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
TG: shut  
GC: COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL  
TG: up  
GC: *SWOON!!!!*  
turntechGodhead [TG] blocked  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  
CT: D --> Good sir, what e%actly are you doing  
TG: yeah i know how it looks  
TG: but this is meant to bring him back  
TG: does it not do that or  
CT: D --> E%cuse me if I seem impudent, but  
CT: D --> You are right ne%t to his Quest Bed  
CT: D --> W001d it not be better to place him there and commence his ascension  
TG: ascension  
TG: gonna have to clue me in  
CT: D --> Ascension to the god tiers  
TG: huh  
CT: D --> Was that not descriptive enough of a c100  
CT: D --> Or must I e100cidate  
TG: yeah hang on  
TG: another troll bugging me

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]  
AA: y0u did n0t let me finish  
TG: so whats all this quest bed shit  
TG: and ascending  
TG: coulda helped if youd told me earlier  
AA: i tried t0  
AA: y0u disappeared bef0re i c0uld  
AA: n0w hurry  
AA: we have very little time bef0re j0hn is c0mpletely dead  
AA: and there is n0 h0pe left f0r his ascensi0n  
AA: place him 0n the quest bed  
TG: thats this here right  
AA: what else c0uld it be  
TG: ok fine  
TG: placing on quest bed  
TG: done  
TG: now what  
AA: n0w wait

TG: ok  
TG: that  
TG: was pretty cool  
AA: yes i think s0  
TG: okay  
TG: question  
TG: no  
TG: three questions  
TG: first  
TG: what the fuck was that  
AA: he ascended t0 g0d tier  
AA: gaining imm0rtality and dramatically increased p0wers  
TG: damn  
TG: lucky son of a bitch  
TG: second  
TG: was he dressed as indiana jones or some shit  
TG: what the fuck was THAT  
AA: that is  
AA: irrelevant  
AA: ribbit  
TG: k  
TG: and uh  
TG: third  
TG: are you  
TG: going to tell him  
TG: that i was about to  
TG: you know  
TG: sloppy resurrection makeout  
AA: d0 y0u want me t0  
TG: what do you think??????  
AA: 0k  
AA: thank y0u f0r d0ing this  
TG: its cool  
AA: 0u0  
AA: wait  
AA: never mind  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]  
AA: j0hn  
AA: h0w are y0u  
EB: this is great!  
EB: you're right, dying isn't fun.  
EB: but flying is!  
EB: i'm still not sure how it actually worked, though?  
EB: i don't think i died on my quest bed.  
EB: was it enough just to be next to it or what?  
AA: n0  
AA: dave saved y0u  
EB: he did???  
AA: yes  
AA: and i think he wanted y0u t0 kn0w  
AA: that he was ab0ut t0 kiss y0u  
EB:   
AA: j0hn  
EB: ...  
EB: what.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _AT LONG LAST_

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
EB: hi, dave.  
EB: so...  
EB: um.  
TG: my fucking god john  
TG: why  
EB: huh?  
TG: of all times and timelines you could pester me in  
TG: you choose now  
TG: great timing bro  
EB: hey, i'm only the breath player!  
EB: timing is your area.  
TG: yeah so could you just blow somewhere else for a while  
EB: ...  
TG: i got shit to deal with here  
EB: what happened?  
TG: shit went down  
TG: i gotta deal with the aftermath  
EB: okay...  
TG: yeah bye  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--

CT: D --> What was that  
TG: just egbert being a clueless dork  
TG: while youre still being a clueless douche  
TG: leave me alone  
TG: i can handle this  
CT: D --> May I just ask  
CT: D --> Who e%actly is the person whose body that is  
TG: dont you have access to my whole timeline or something  
TG: you find out

CT: D --> Oh  
TG: yeah  
TG: now go fuck a horse or something  
TG: let me have some time to myself for one fucking second  
CT: D --> I still don't quite understand  
TG: oh my god  
TG: what even is there to not understand  
CT: D --> Was that human filling in for your lusus  
TG: what the dick is a lusus  
CT: D --> They are our guardians  
TG: could you not have just said guardian  
CT: D --> Oh  
CT: D --> I also had to deal with the death of my lusus  
TG: oh well uh  
TG: sorry dude  
CT: D --> He was the most noble beast I have ever encountered  
CT: D --> Loyal despite even the most grievous of injuries I a%identally inflicted upon him  
CT: D --> I was grateful for that  
CT: D --> And deeply saddened by his loss  
TG: yeah i guess i know the feeling now  
TG: like  
TG: this guy  
TG: looking back he was always weird as hell  
TG: those puppets man  
TG: freaky as shit  
TG: and he used to throw me off buildings and stuff???  
TG: yeah i survived but thats pretty hardcore training for a two year old  
TG: worked though  
TG: wouldnt have got this far without him and his batshit regimes  
TG: guess he really did love me even if he had a crazy ass way of showing it  
TG: and now hes died for me  
TG: so  
TG: i dont know what to do  
TG: dont tell anyone i got all angsty like this  
TG: thats an order  
CT: D --> I shall do just as you say  
TG: cool  
TG: god dammit im too cool for this  
TG: i should be like some stoic motherfucker  
TG: shades glinting as i creep up behind noir and slice his head off in one slick motion  
TG: then an ironic one liner like im james bond in stiller shades  
TG: fuck yeah  
CT: D --> That w001d be rather f001ish  
CT: D --> I doubt you would be able to e%terminate this nigh-omnipotent pest and still be in a state for delivering a single-line piece of wit  
CT: D --> Perhaps you should wait until your emotions have c001ed down before e%ecuting any rash plans  
TG: dude i am as cool as snoop dogg on ice right now  
TG: and im telling you  
TG: noirs going down  
CT: D --> Even so, I implore you to wait  
CT: D --> Decisions made when you are in great distress are rarely sensible or even possible  
TG: but i owe it to bro  
TG: gotta do this for him  
TG: and to save all our skins  
CT: D --> Yet the Archagent is far beyond you in power  
CT: D --> I admire your determination but perhaps  
CT: D --> Perhaps a little more training w001d be in order  
TG: ...  
TG: yeah  
TG: youre right  
TG: im not good enough  
TG: probably never gonna beat bro  
TG: but i can make it so he wouldnt be too disappointed in me  
CT: D --> This game makes warriors of us all  
CT: D --> You might find yourself e%ceeding him in power  
TG: no  
TG: not gonna happen  
CT: D --> It might  
TG: it wont  
TG: but  
TG: thanks dude

TG: time to fuck shit up

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling  centaursTesticle [CT]  
CA: hey eq  
CA: wwhat are you doin there  
CT: D --> I doubt it concerns you  
CA: i bet it fuckin wwell does  
CA: wwho are you talkin to  
CA: is it that wwitch again  
CT: D --> What wwitch  
CT: D --> I mean witch  
CT: D --> Do you mean Jade  
CT: D --> Because she appears to be talking to someone else right now  
CA: huh  
CA: no  
CA: i mean the seer wwhatevver  
CT: D --> Rose  
CA: yeah  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> She seems to be less welcoming of my conversation as of late  
CA: me too  
CA: shes a cruel one that  
CA: wwont evven help out a aspiring sorcerer  
CA: wwhich is wwhy ivve come to you  
CT: D --> For what purpose  
CA: teach me her secrets  
CT: D --> What  
CT: D --> Secrets  
CA: her fake ass magics an wwizardry  
CA: shes obvviously not doin it for real because evveryone wwhos actually got a functionin think pan knowws magics all a fraud  
CA: shes got some clevver sciencey shit behind it i just knoww it  
CA: but she wwont tell me wwhat it is  
CA: has she told you  
CT: D --> What  
CA: the secrets you fuckin imbecile  
CT: D --> Phrasing your request in that way is not encouraging me to assist you in your plight  
CT: D --> Have you tried observing her  
CA: huh  
CT: D --> You have a%ess to her viewport, yes  
CA: yeah  
CT: D --> Then investigate  
CT: D --> E%amine what she does and figure out how she manages to do so  
CA: or you could just tell me  
CA: come on ivve tried wwatchin her but it wwas a wwaste a time  
CA: i aint figured out anythin useful so can you just tell me the fuckin secrets already  
CT: D --> If you insist on being so impolite, then I must request you speak with someone else  
CT: D --> Maryam has been communicating with the seer, I hear  
CA: i asked kan already  
CA: she told me to fuck off  
CT: D --> Was it in those words e%actly  
CT: D --> If so then I am rather incred001ous of your story  
CA: wwell no obvviously she didnt phrase it like that  
CA: wworded it up all fancylike  
CA: you knoww howw it is wwith kan  
CA: but i got her intentions straight an kneww it wwas time to back off  
CA: wwhy pester her any more wwhen i got a fine man like you i can count on  
CA: so can you givve me a little assistance here  
CA: help a highblood out  
CA: an i might help you out in return for the favvor you done me  
CT: D --> I do not know her secrets  
CA: but you got to  
CT: D --> I do not  
CA: awwwwwwww come on eq  
CA: ivve alwways admired you  
CA: howw you dont fuck around wwith any a those unwworthy lowwbloods  
CA: an those big strong wwell defined muscles  
CA: id fancy some a that myself  
CT: D --> I cannot tell you information I do not know  
CT: D --> You are only su%eeding in making me uncomfortable  
CT: D --> Goodbye  
CA: wwait  
centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling  caligulasAquarium [CA]  
CA: awwww fuck

Who is Jade talking to, anyway? You hope it's not one of your less well-behaved fellow trolls mistreating her...

Her computer is projecting her Pesterchum into the air in front of her. You could read what's going on if you wanted to. Snooping on her private chats might not be very good of you, but... one peek?

AT: wE TALKED ABOUT LOTS OF THINGS, aND WE HAD SOME THINGS IN COMMON, aND IT WAS NICE,  
GG: sure!  
AT: aND i THINK CONSEQUENTLY, tHE EMOTIONAL RESULT IS PROBABLY,  
AT: tHAT MAYBE i HAVE SOME POSSIBLE RED FEELINGS FOR YOU,  
GG: red feelings?  
GG: you mean  
GG: whoooooaaaaaa  
GG: wait  
GG: really? :o

This... was not what you e%pected. It's set off your sweat glands a fair bit, too. Oh dear.

You're not quite sure why you're reacting so STRONGly to this snippet of conversation, but the fact remains that you are. So what are you going to do about it?

Part of you wants to punch him, for some reason. And you know that whenever you want to punch a living being, it's a sure sign you need to talk to Nepeta. But she's asleep...

Well, what would she say? Probably to calm down, think soft and furry, and do something that doesn't get anyone purrt.

So that's what you'll do. You'll be sensible and mature about this by simply going to talk to him and not purrting - _hurting_ \- him.

You'll do your best to not hurt _anyone_ today, you've decided. You can safely say that, by the end of the day, there will be absolutely zero injuries on people that were inflicted by you, whether accidental or on purphorse.

_Purpose!_

Minutes in the past...

But not many.

A clock counts down as a final conversation takes place.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]  
AA: j0hn  
EB: aradia! hi!  
AA: i just want t0 say s0mething bef0re i g0  
EB: go???  
AA: im n0t sure when ill be able t0 c0ntact y0u next  
AA: y0u might hear fr0m me s00n fr0m y0ur viewp0int  
AA: but wh0 kn0ws h0w l0ng that might be f0r me  
AA: s0 i just want t0 say  
AA: while i still can  
AA: g00dbye  
AA: (crap head)  
EB: hehe. :)  
EB: but aradia, all this talk of going is really kinda worrying me!  
EB: where are you going? why are you going?  
EB: what's happening?  
AA: im n0t quite sure yet  
AA: but i think  
AA: i think its time f0r me t0 wake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grumble grumble put focus on other fics for a while grumble grumble took longer than expected grumble grumble school started grumble sixthform grumble grumble grumble so much work grumble.
> 
> Anyway. It's here now. Wait over. :D


	10. [S]tarsignstuck: Wake

[ ](http://bit.ly/1bAk8ew)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was ridiculously hard and took ridiculously long to do (probably because the software I use is literally just MS Paint, [this](http://fotoflexer.com/app/index.php?integration=upload) and [this](http://www.myspacegens.com/handler.php?gen=animatedimage)) and I spent all day yesterday and a lot of this morning (barring biological necessities such as eating, drinking and watching the new episode of Sherlock) but IT WAS WORTH IT. IT IS DONE. I CAN BREATHE NOW.
> 
> And a sly hint for next chapter, which I have _many_ things planned for... Scratch is involved. That is all I am going to say. *cackles evilly at own disingenuity*
> 
> EDIT (08/08/2014): Thanks a million to [thegreataggron](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreataggron) for putting together [this _gorgeous_ video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPDT2awNsvg) for the thing! Hot damn. *fans self*


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler chapter. That's not to say it's not important -- this is all stuff I've been planning to put in for a while, and decided it wouldn't hurt to put it in a bit earlier -- it's just that what I was planning for this chapter is taking a loooooooong time. As in, half a year already. I gotta post something, for all you amazing people who keep on commenting and bookmarking and kudos-ing despite the lack of updates. YOU ROCK, GUYS. FISTBUMPS ALL ROUND.
> 
> As for why next chapter's taking so long? I'll explain my cryptic tidbit from last chapter's notes: "Scratch is involved" = "I'M MAKING AN ACTUAL PLAYABLE WALKAROUND ON SCRATCH". _Yeah._ The thing is, programming takes a long time. I've run into a lot of issues already. I'm fairly confident I can get around them, but it'll take a while...
> 
> So, in the meantime, [here's a preview of that](http://scratch.mit.edu/projects/17036423/). And... here's the chapter!
> 
> Enjoy!

No one will die today.

At least, you hope she won't. You held back as much as you could when punching her, but for someone as strong as you... well, that'll be a big bruise when she gets up. Still, better that than a lance through the chest.

You can't let anyone die. There's too few of you to allow that. Highblood or lowblood, STRONG or weak, no matter how high the conflict ramps: everyone will survive this day.

You'll make sure of it.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: Araaaaaaaadiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaa.  
AA: what  
AG: Nice trick! With the ghosts and all. Man, you got me pretty good.  
AA: id rather n0t talk t0 y0u  
AG: Fair enough!  
AG: Just wanted to say I'm sorry, that's all.  
AA: im n0t the 0ne y0u sh0uld ap0l0gize t0  
AG: Yeah I know. I'll make it up to him some day. Don't worry!  
AG: Anyway, hey guess what?  
AG: I've got a message for you from your 8oyfriend.  
AG: He's outside your hive right now!  
AA: n0t falling f0r it  
AG: Take a look.  
AA: i d0nt see anything 0ut there  
AG: Well ok, I'm just the messenger. If you want to risk missing him then suit yourself.  
AG: L8er!!!!!!!! 

AG: Huh????????

AA: youre in a dream bubble!  
AG: Yeah, I got that. I've 8een in the things 8efore, you know!  
AG: How come you're god tier too now???????? And you're alive!  
AG: You must 8e from a doomed timeline or something. One where your 8oyfriend didn't kill you!!!!!!!!  
AA: no  
AA: you are face to face with the alpha aradia!  
AA: and besides if i recall correctly  
AA: sollux didnt kill me, not of his own accord  
AA: you did  
AG: Yeah, technic8lities, whatever. Technically, he was the one who actually killed y8u, let's not forget th8t!!!!!!!!  
AG: Just 8nswer me. How come you're alive?  
AA: i decided being dead didnt suit me  
AG: That's not a fucking answer.  
AG: 8eing dead suits you more than 8eing vague does.  
AA: its funny  
AG: Huh?  
AA: how youre being rude and abrasive as usual but it doesnt put a dent in my mood at all  
AA: im just  
AA: happy to be alive  
AA: and im happy to be happy  
AA: :D  
AG: Yes, and it's almost sickening. What happened to old Aradia?  
AG: You're acting all sugary sweet now, 8ut I know for a fact you've hated me ever since I killed you!  
AA: oh dont worry about that, ive forgiven you!  
AA: if you hadnt killed me when you had, im not sure i could have got god tier at all  
AA: destiny is a strange thing but now i understand it completely  
AG: What I don't understand at all is why you're so happy about everything. Not even just "0k" with it. It's like... happy apathy.  
AG: I want old Aradia back. Man, at least she could get real aaaaaaaangry about things sometimes!  
AA: you should move on  
AA: just as i have  
AA: people change  
AA: people live  
AA: people die!  
AA: that is just the way things are  
AA: and if you can accept it then you can appreciate it  
AA: how it is always regular as clockwork and always progressing, never slowing  
AA: now i understand it, i love it :D  
AG: At least you're just as weird as you were before.  
AG: Now you're just cheerful a8out the depressing stuff.  
AA: maybe one day youll die again  
AA: without me killing you or you god tiering  
AA: then youll understand  
AA: everything moves on!  
AA: or they get left behind, and its no fun to get left behind  
AG: Wh8tever!  
AG: I think I'll move on from this memory.  
AA: thats a start, at least  
AA: now i have to move on too  
AA: do you know where i can find a working communication device?  
AA: theres someone i have to speak to

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling tentacleTherapist  [TT]

CT: D --> Miss Maryam warned me you were to go dark  
CT: D --> It seems that this is exactly what has happened, in the most literal sense  
TT: C̳o̝̺͖̣ͅr̪̙̮͇r̻̜͙e̮̟c̠̤͓͖̪t̙̗͕̻.͓̣̬͚ ̬̳̞W̺̙̞̟̫͔h̖̙͓a̼͕̹͇t̹̘ ̪̯̦̤̫̲o͈̹͎͖f̠̳͙ ̻͉̲̤̠i͈̪̙̩t̼͓?̥̟̟̰̺̜͓  
CT: D --> Your text  
CT: D --> It appears to be corrupted  
TT: B͍̝̲͕e͙̠̱̝ ̘̬͖̤̰ͅg̱̞̥r̦͕̣̮̱͓̰a̠͇̫͎͖̠t̰̠̟̰̗̫ͅe̼͔͇͈f̥̖̲u͇̗l̼͕ ̹͙͕͈ͅt̤͉ͅh̠a̙͈̲͈̱t̞͓̫̺̭ ͔͕̻̖͍̯w͙̭̥̗̳e̙̲ ̺̗̯ar̺̘̝̼̹ͅe͕͉ ͈g̲̗̟̤r̖͕̦̪̪̜a̭̰̝n̺t̜̟͔͙͕ͅi̠̯̘̟͍̩̬n̟g͍͇̯ ỵ̮͇͓̥̯͓ou̘͙̗̺̬ a̳͙͇n͓̻̭͓̻ ̬̥̠̲ͅa̭̺̮ụ͖̠d̻̼͕̳͈̳ie̞ͅn̠͔c̬͓̲͙͉̩e̘̥̭͙ ̭̻w̲̰i̫̳̙̼t̝͇̮̟h͈͔̹̬͖̟ ͇͉͙̙̙̪̮t͓̣h͉͕e̼̭ ̜̹̤͔͚̻͇g̖͉̤͎ͅͅi͉̬r͙͖̹̩̤l.  
TT: B͙̭̭̞͖̦e̺ ͉̗̪͔̖a̬͕d̲̖̪̺͈̱dit̬̜i͍̤̯͓̠͔o̲͎͍͙̘̱͓n͎a̮̝l͈̹̤̖͙ͅly g̙̤̖̮̗͕͓r̼̳̪ạ̠̹̹ͅt̮͍̫ef̮̼͍̲̬ͅu̝͎̥͍͖͉l̜̩͚͕͚̠ t̹h̬͈̺͖̫̳͚a͓͙͖̤̩̰̝t̲͙̺͍̝̣̖ ̟w̮̰̩͔̻͚e͎̹̘̲̱͙̯ ̤̩̲͖a̰͖͔r̘͖͖e̞̝̺͉̹ ̤͔͕̫doͅi̦n͔͔̲̙̗̗g̯̬̩ ̻̘s̩̯͖̲̱̦o͓̜ ̩̼in̼̖ ͔͉̲͇̳a̫̳͓̼̖͖ ͈͍̝͈̞̲͕la̗̻̹ng͎̜͕ṷ̯͓̩ag̩̣e̲͚͓̝̪ͅ ̬̤̺̖y͖̣̫̫̘o͕̜̦̥u̗͉͙ ̬̼̪̬̤̫c̮̝̰̲̘͓͙a̞̞̟̭n̖̪̗͙͇̯ ̣͎͔̙u̮n̖͈de̠̮͖͕r͕̟͍̥͈ͅsͅt̗̤͖̥͚̱͇a͇n͔̺d͇͇̖̦.̯̩̥͔̹̝  
TT: W͖̻̤̳͚̯ͅe͍͈̗̼͎ ̟̙d̳̪o̟̱̠͚̞̱ ̘͙̗̝̭͕̳n̪͍̞̻̩ot͉ ̘g͕̲̘͇̭̝ra͈̹̪͈̭n̖̩͍̮̤t ͎̩̬̝̬t͙̤h͈̻̤i̳̝̤ͅs̻ ̤͖̹̘̰͓͙p͉̰͍̯͉̞r͖̫̺̯i͇͇̩v͖̫̫̫̟̟e̩̮̻l͈͓ͅig͈̭̘̼͓̱e̻̠̖̹ ̪̳̞̟͍̦t̞̤͓͈o̪̻ ͍̻̼m̫̩͈a̺͔ny.̬̦̹͍̮  
CT: D --> We  
CT: D --> What do you mean by we  
TT: T̘͔̯̦̗h̦ͅe͎͍͈͔ ͖̤̱̝N̟̟͔o͈̼̳̜͓b͉̥̤̞̘̝l͇͕̱̳̬e̫̰ ̠͇͉̺̥͎̼Circl̼̲̝͍͔e ̮̥͇o̖̲͓̠͔̮̹f ͙̣t͈̝͉̤͉̥̹he̘̫̮̦͙͓͓ ͓̮̦H̹̠͉̞̩͎͇o̘rro̰̜r̮t̳̝̹͔̜e̹͉͇͔r͉̰̺̪r̼̙͓ͅo͇̪̤̠̥̦ṛ̻s̩ ̬̭an̤̗d̟̩̱̥͈̫̰ ̩͓͍̼͙I̖̗.̻ ̣͙͎̯W͍e͕͉͓͙ͅ ̫̗̖ͅar̳̗͚̗e̙̼̳ ̼͚̪̠̺o̦͇̺n̙̱e̳͔̬̮͎̟͙,̞̫̰̳ͅ ̜̼y̺̯͔e̻̝̱̤t ͚̲͈̙͙ͅw̲̘̰̩͚̥e͖̜̣̫ a͇̞̮̘r̼͓̹̘e̬ͅ l̘̰̣e̪͍̪͓̥gion̗̰.  
CT: D --> Ah  
CT: D --> This appears to be a problem  
TT: I̬̟̖͇͚̰s̻͙ ̘̺̤i̩̮͙ṱ̳̳ ̮̟̙̯͈w̙͕̱i̺͔͇̗̦̣s̰͎̭e͕ ͇͚͙̬̯̪͇t̼̯̝̯̪o ̻̫̖ͅs͉̜̱a̠̦͖͉͎̱̱y ̦̣th̗͉i̬s̹̘̖̞̜̥ͅ ͇̖̮̺ț̲ͅo̱̻̙ ̹͓̳̞u͚̼̖̜̹͉s̗͇̝̭͎͎͖ ̘̯͙d̟̮͕̘i̬̼̪re̯c͙̪̗̫t͈̣̰̠͓l̗͓̼̮̳͉y͓?͍̱̟̝̹  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> Suppose not  
TT: I̹͎͉̫f̯͇̜͉̱̗͍ ̜̰a͍͓̙̳̞̹͍n̺̙y͉̹̻ ̯͖͎̝ͅo̻̭f̱͍ ̟̟̤u̺̼̳̯̘s̬̪͉̖ i̗͎͓̱s̲͉͈̬͇͕̘ ̰̹̪̝̖a̰̥͍ ̯̟̹̲̠̫͔p̩̪̪͉̦ṟ̥̦̝o̜b͍̠͚̬̯̯l̠̙̟̞em̭̬̞̯,ͅ ̳̮͎̙̤it͙̠ ̭̳̮͇̤̘ͅi̭̞̯̤̥͈͕s ̯̣͓̼̺y̳̮̙̟ọ̪u̠̰͉ͅ.̯͉̮ͅ  
CT: D --> Me  
CT: D --> How am I a problem  
TT: Y̱̟̯̰̲͓͔o͚̬͇̻̥u̺̼͖̞̹͙̬ ̼̮͚̼̬h̗̘̩̼av͖̬̮̪̮e͕͉͔͚ ͚͙͍͍̫͔͚p̬̠̭e̯͙̯͈̙ͅr͉̺̼̩̬͙̦v̜̙̥̝e͉r̟̠t̺e̙̱͎͍d̞ ̰d̰̮̜̥ẹ̬̥st̝̬̦̬i̮͎̖̤͕̗n͎͍y̦̘͇͓̞̮̰.̞͙̦  
CT: D --> How  
TT: T͈̤̬͕̠h̗̘͖̠̠̻e̯̱͇͚ ̰̰͙P̗̥̻a̺̻̜̜̥g̥̯͕͉̪ͅe ͙̣w͔̪a̖͚̯̮̤͙s ̣͍̻t͈̤͔o̻̭ ̱̳̜̼̗d͓̤̗̺̝i͎͍͚eͅ i̠̘̙͎n̤̦̭̝̤ͅ ̫̮̼̟͖̤ț̞͔͓͍h̲̮̗at͇̭͚̟̱ ͙̼̩̣c̹̰̺̟͔o̲n̬̗̗̱̘̮f͍̟̰̞͇͍̬r̞̘̹̞̟͖o̫̜̹̙̰͚̩n̠̲̰t͇̤̪a̮͍̗t̠͍̱̼i̦͍̫͕̯̠͉o͖̱̻̠n̫̝͚̖.̩ ͇Y̼͕̤̺̗o̟̱͎̗̠̟u͍͔ pr͍̟̫͔̺̟ḙ̞̝̰̝͕v̝̦ͅe̖̭ͅn̤̘̹̝̘̫̗t̬̬̱̗e͙̻d͈ ͇̯̫i̙̼͇̗͇̪t̼͎͖.̳̜̬͖̗͓  
TT: W̥̤̞͇h̞̜e͖̱n̺͕̖͔̥̦̮ ͖̳y̘̯͉̥͓o̮̟̭u͈̜ s̥̞̫t̯͍ͅr̟̖̟͍̼͎̭ṳ̖̤͇̗̟c̮̘͕̩k͙͚͈̫ ̪̦̘t̙͙̟͈̳̩ͅh͓̗̯̤e̯̩ ̗̪̹̝̹Ṭ̗̝ͅhi͍̗͎͍̫e̬͇͖̝͚̰f̰̝̘̹̭ ̬i̟͖n̺͙s͇̩̠te̬a͓̞͔͍d͓͖̺ ̩̲̹͉o̼f̝̼̹ ̱̦̤͉͙͎̗a̖̼͈l̳͙̳l͉͓̻ͅowi̼̝̮ng̘ hi̻m̰̝̳̳̲̜̬ t̤̭̬̦̙͓͖o͖̖̦̙͙͍ ̟̫̲̝͖ͅd̩̗̮̭̭̳̳o̼̳̮͇͎͙ ̲͇̺͖s̺o̥̦̦̻̣̖̞,̻ ̼̥y̝̲̲̥͈ou̯̘̯͔̭̰̦ ̰d̺͕̼͙͍̣id̳̪͕ ̤͈w̩̹̥͓̝ẖ͎a̳̹͔̣̤t̗̗̲͚ s̙̫̭h̫̫o̹ṵ͖l̘̘̘̩d̹̲ ̣̖n̼̯̪͚͙͈̤o͔t̯̙ ̤̠͎͇̗h̠̰̲̩ͅa͕v̙̪̠͚e̺̭̙̙͉̼͉ ̖̗̣̖̺ͅb͈̼̞͉̣͚ͅe̲̭̤̹̝̙e͖̗̺͓n̬͙͎̳̠ ͕͔̭͓ͅd͔̱̫͉̥͇o̲̬ͅn͚͍e̹͈.  
CT: D --> Is this a doomed timeline  
TT: N͙̻͇o̻̼͍̹̗̪͚.̱͚̺͔͎̝ ͇Ye̪̥̤̙t͇̻͇̪̻̪̙ i̬̦t̟ ̦̼̥̘is ̠̮̰̘͓͖ͅw̝̣͉̙r͎̭̤̤o̥̖͚̝ͅn̝̳̥͍̤g͎̜͔͇͕̬ ͚̻n̝o̘̼̗̫n̦̙̗̪̣ẹ̯ṱ̩̯h͇̺̙̼e̜̠̳̙̘l̥̜̥̺͈ess̼.͓̯̰͙̩̠̹  
TT: Ỵ̫̩͙͙̫̩o̼̞͍̮̗̰̖u͕͈͔̯͕̰̣ ̞̯̩̬ͅḁ̝̻̪̙̳͕r̹̰̗͚̼͖ͅe͓͉̱̜̖̟ ̙a̗ ͔V͖̩̝̼͖o̗̲ͅi͚̫̭͇̠ḓ̠͎̟̙͉ͅ ͓̪̖̻p̦̯̳̠̝̙l̲a̲͖͔͈y͙̦͇̗̜͎̜e͇̻r,͍̩̝̥͚ͅ ̞̘̲̩̳̺̰m̻̬̲̮͔̹̖e̻̪a̟̝n̗̠͕͖͈̠t̠ ͔̱t͎͎̞o̤͕͎ͅ d̹͚̣w̝͙͚͍̙̪̜e͉̯l̯͍̰̯͉l̼̗̜̤͍̞̪ ̤͓i͈̣̙̝̗n͕̳̗͔̦̜ͅ ̰̱͎͚o͎̮̜͉b͕̺͇sc̙̺͉͕̰͓ͅu̬͖̪̺͍ri̪̮̜̭̞̙ͅt̠͇̝y.  
TT: I͓̺̯n̮̖͇͓̼͍h͚er̘͔͖̜͚̜i̯͉̜t̤͓͙̘ i̘͖̲̤̥t̹͙͎,̬̪̺̤͔̭ ̫a͈̯̹̞͍ͅͅs ͈̥̭͚yo͕̹̮̲̫̳u̟̼͓̜̯̹ s͔͓̯ͅh̲̹̝o͓ͅuḻd̖̗̯͍.̖̱  
CT: D --> I cannot allow people to die  
CT: D --> No one will die today  
CT: D --> No one must  
TT: T̞̮̰h̪̝̬̖͍̮ͅa̱̹̣̥͈t͓͇ ͉̩i̳͓s̼̫͖̳̰̼̤ a̖̘͍͕͓̝n̲̰̲̠͕̞̟ ̼̱̲̣o̭̥̯̘̘̲̙rd͈̫̼̘̪͖ḛ̥̳̺̘r̝̜.̥͈̥ͅͅ  
TT: F̗͚̘o̘̪l̹͍͚l̲̫̫ow͖̥̫͖̯ i͇̜t̠̥̥͓̻̰.͇̥  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> ...  
TT: F̪̱̭͖̪̩͓a͎̜̮̮̘͉ͅr̥e̱̦̩w̳͇̦͚̫̭e͙̬̣̠l͈̘̦̙l.̭ ̩͕D̪̹͕o̗̺̤̘̺ͅ w̝̹̭̙h͉̪̭̦a͍̰̘̮̠̦t̳̫̘͕̟̻ ̪̺i̳̲͉̳̲s͉͖ ̬̗͎͙̳͕̗r̻̯ig̲͍̻͔̪̬h̹̤̰͍̭̘͙t̻̮̤̖̭.̪̤̫͙  
CT: D --> ...

tentacleTherapist  [TT] ceased pestering  centaursTesticle [CT]

CT: D --> ...

AA: john!  
EB: hey aradia!  
EB: whoa, no zeroes!  
AA: no zeroes :D  
EB: so you're back from whatever cryptic place it was you were going?  
EB: and it took your zeroes away or something?  
AA: yes and kind of!  
AA: i blew up my robot body  
AA: but then i resurrected with my dream self in the center of derses moon  
AA: so now i am god tier just like you  
AA: and also alive!  
EB: wait.  
EB: does this mean...  
EB: WE ARE GOD TIER BUDDIES?????????  
AA: 0_0  
AA: i mean :O  
AA: yes, john, we are god tier buddies!  
EB: oh yes.  
EB: we are the BEST god tier buddies.  
AA: :D  
EB: wow, it feels like such a long time since i have spoken to you!  
EB: it's great to hear from you again.  
EB: especially as you are alive now!  
AA: yes!  
AA: and i love it!  
EB: :D  
EB: um, speaking of love...  
EB: there is a question i have to ask you, aradia.  
EB: a very awkward one.  
AA: :O  
EB: it's also about...  
EB: dave.  
EB: when you said he was going to kiss me...  
EB: well, what was actually going on there? because i am really confused by this whole thing.  
AA: is that not what you would have wanted?  
EB: well.  
EB: dave is a nice guy, and a good friend.  
EB: but i do not want to kiss him.  
EB: and that is a fact that i am pretty sure of.  
AA: but it would have brought you back to life  
EB: huh?  
AA: if you kiss someones dead body their dreamself comes to life!  
AA: and then it can continue their corporeal existence :D  
EB: huh.  
EB: that is... not a thing i knew.  
EB: so is that all it was?????  
AA: yes  
AA: i thought you would like to know  
AA: as a sign of devotion from your friend  
EB: aradiaaa!  
EB: i have been fretting about that for nothing!  
AA: sorry!  
AA: it is funny though  
EB: heh. yeah, i guess it is.  
AA: also its a shame you dont want to kiss dave  
AA: i think you would make a very nice redrom couple!  
EB: ...  
EB: aradia, can you please not ship me with dave.  
AA: haha sorry  
AA: well i dont ship it like that really  
AA: there are better people to ship you with anyway :D  
EB: .......  
AA: so i see youre in a flying car  
EB: yes!  
EB: it is so much fun. i am zooming around skaia with this funny little chess guy!  
EB: i'm having the time of my life!  
AA: then thats something we have in common  
AA: im having the time of my life simply by being alive!  
EB: that is incredible to hear!  
EB: but i should probably go. i have to drive safely!  
AA: ok john  
AA: enjoy your flight!


End file.
